Put in the work and pursue your dream

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This article was published 27/12/2024 (600 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My life has to change fast. My dad is forcing me out of the basement. I’m a musician and had planned to make performing music my career.

I was in two different rock bands in high school and we played some pretty big gigs. I loved the feeling of playing my heart out and getting paid at the end of the night.

That’s what I wanted to experience regularly, but my bandmates weren’t serious about music and went off to university.

I was the younger guy, so I finished Grade 12 and got a chance to play in a different band for the summer with three older guys. They were impressed with me, but the regular bandmate I was filling in for came back and I got the boot.

My parents — both medical professionals — wanted to send me to university, but I said no thanks. I have been living in their basement ever since, delivering groceries to make some money and practising guitar six hours a day, minimum.

Last night my dad told me I’d have to look for a steady normal job and move in with some friends. He said he was refusing to support me forever as a musician. His words cut me to the core.

I know my parents always wanted me to be a dentist, like my dad and make lots of money looking at rotten teeth. No way do I want that life. Now what?

— Musician for Life, St. Vital

Dear Musician for Life: Go where you want to be and plant yourself. To start, get a job in a bar that regularly books live bands. Soak up everything that goes on, from setup to tear down. Try to make good contacts and maybe learn to play in some of the musical styles you hear.

Once you become familiar on the scene, boldly ask if you can sit in for a couple of tunes some night. If that works out, let the bands know you could fill in if a band member is sick or unavailable.

You should also start writing your own music and forming a band so you can get your own gigs.

Without embarrassment, let people know what your dream is. Secure people enjoy helping other people achieve their dreams as long as they aren’t stealing work from them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My cheating ex-husband just arrived back in the province to take a job with his former rival company. It’s just like him switching teams and not thinking a thing of it. The man knows nothing about loyalty.

Now I see he’s left two messages for me to contact him, with warnings saying: “It would be in your best interests to get back to me.” That’s either an appeal to my greed, or my supposed fear of him. What should I do?

— Unhappy Return, St. Boniface

Dear Unhappy: Don’t offer him a personal response. Instead, call your divorce lawyer to report that you have two weird messages attached to demands for you to phone your ex-husband, who is back in town.

Let your lawyer respond to show your ex you have retained legal counsel and won’t put up with his nonsense.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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