Swallow your pride, put feelings on the line

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This article was published 30/12/2024 (601 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m sure my wife is having an affair — emotionally at least. I think I know who the guy is, too. He drops her off from bingo, or wherever they really go, at least once a week. They sit and keep talking in the car for a long time and it’s driving me nuts.

Last night she hinted that she would look the other way if I wanted to have a “friend.”

Is that to ease her own guilt? That’s almost proof she’s got somebody else, isn’t it? Meanwhile, how many other people know what’s going on? And where is the love for me? I still love her.

What should I do? Do I need to get my own woman on the side to get my wife’s attention now? Am I being publicly disrespected? It sure feels like it.

— Mocking Marriage, East Kildonan

Dear Mocking: One of the saddest questions that can arise between divorcing partners at the end of their marriage is, “Why didn’t you just tell me you still loved me before it was too late?”

So swallow your pride and ask your wife if she still loves you and what’s going on with this other man — the one who stays too long talking in the car after bingo.

It may be nothing and she may actually be happy to find out you’re feeling jealous, and that you still love and desire her. Just don’t waste any more time wondering. You may be hurting for nothing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We’re newlyweds and don’t have enough money to afford to go to a big New Year’s Eve bash. We’ll just have to stay home and try to make it special.

I suggested dressing up and having a candlelight dinner for two, but my new husband said he thought that was ridiculous and too formal. He said he didn’t want to put on a tuxedo to have dinner at home.

It was silent for a while. Then he shocked me by suggesting we dine in the nude instead, with candlelight and romantic music.

“Talk about ridiculous,” I said.

He didn’t laugh, but replied coldly, “My girlfriend in college used to do that with me. She was proud of her body and didn’t think it was stupid at all.” Then he went down to the basement and slammed the door.

I picked up my car keys and took off, wondering why he would still be bringing up his ex-girlfriend and things they did long ago. Finally, I calmed down and went to do some shopping.

I swear it had to be fate. The first store I walked into I saw a display of beach attire, so I ended up buying a sexy animal-patterned bikini one for me and a striped mankini for my husband.

I went home and immediately put on my new bikini then came out and said, “How about I wear this for our New Year’s Eve dinner instead?” Then I tossed his new swimsuit at him and told him that was for him to wear. He slowly started to smile.

So that’s the new deal so far for our New Year’s dinner — Mexican food in our sexy swimsuits. But that only takes us up to 8:30 p.m. Then what?

— Making it Work, St. Norbert

Dear Making It Work: Take a breather after dinner and “dessert” then bundle up a bit and check some of the light displays people in your neighbourhood.

At midnight, kiss passionately wherever you are to ring in 2025. When you get home, put on a romantic movie and snuggle up — a fun, affectionate New Year’s Eve really doesn’t have to cost you much.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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