Step up at home to improve mood with Mom

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This article was published 26/12/2024 (599 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a bratty kid, I used to hate the days after Christmas. My single mom would go out to her cleaning jobs and call me spoiled and ungrateful for watching TV instead of playing with the new presents I got from my grandparents.

I would mope around for days, just watching TV. Then my mom would slap down a piece of paper and tell me to start making a list of new year’s resolutions to improve my lazy self. My first one was always “Move out of this house.”

Well, times have changed. I’m unemployed and back in Winnipeg looking for a temporary place to stay while searching for a new job here or anywhere. Mom is hinting she wants me to get that job fast and move out ASAP. What can I do to convince her to let me stay here in peace until I find a decent job and get settled into a new place?

I can’t leave here yet or I’ll be out on the streets. Mom is cranky about it, but I do love her and know she grudgingly enjoys my company, as it can be lonely for her. She still works 40 hour weeks in the daytime.

I feel guilty because I don’t have a job yet. I will get one soon (I always do), but I have trouble sticking to them and I don’t want bar work anymore.

What can I do to make my mom accept me in her house? She’s gone from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., and I’m out job-hunting then. I try to make dinner most nights and I’m too broke to be out in the bars, so we are often together in the evenings.

She said yesterday that she wishes she still had a cat — her old cat died this fall, and he used to sleep curled up beside her while she watched TV in the evening. Should I surprise her with a new cat?

— Wayward Son, St. Norbert

Dear Wayward Son: You could change the dynamic in the house very quickly if you got a job and your mom got a new cat, but you really should ask her about the feline first.

So, to lighten the mood tonight, ask her how she would feel about getting a new kitty and what kind she might life. If the idea lights her up, don’t waste time. Take her to some of the animal shelters around town.

Meanwhile, introducing your “special free cleaning services” could ease the domestic tension. Use the mornings when your mom is gone to work and deep-clean the whole house, doing one room a day.

Leave her bedroom to the last and make sure she’s home when you do clean it since you have no idea about her private life since you’ve been gone and she may not want you in her room alone, possibly snooping and finding love letters or photos.

She may have had a sweetheart while you were away — she may even have a hidden one now.

Also, get on snow-clearing patrol. It’s hard for her to do and slippery. Maybe to earn a few bucks, have her recommend your services to neighbours.

Make sure to keep up your serious job hunting, both in-person and online. Keep your mom apprised of the kinds of work you’re looking for. She may know some contacts that could help.

Hopefully, you and your mom can build a new adult-to-adult relationship with friendship and respect.

While you might not live together a long time, this new depth of friendship and trust could last a lifetime.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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