Why stick neck out for slobbering ‘sweetheart?’

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This article was published 21/12/2024 (610 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 14 and have a new boyfriend, but it may not last past Christmas. He enjoys giving me love bites and “kissy-marks“ (his expression) that I have to hide with clothes and scarves. He thinks it’s cute and funny.

I’m not laughing, and my parents (who are strict) were not amused when they first spotted one. I got seriously lectured by my mother after the second one showed up a week later.

She calls them disgusting hickeys, and I don’t like them either. What can I do with this boyfriend? I really love him in every other way. Help me.

— Hiding My Neck, North Tuxedo

Dear Hiding: Your boyfriend doesn’t care at all if he gets you into trouble. On some level, he is enjoying upsetting everyone, particularly your parents. He may feel like he’s running the show — and also marking “his territory.”

Most importantly, he doesn’t care enough about your relationship with him to behave in a way that will keep it going for any length of time. You’re going to tire of his careless attitude soon, but Christmas is a hard time to break up. Consider dropping him as your New Year’s resolution. That may be quite a shock to his ego.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What are some free gifts I can give to my closest girlfriends this Christmas? I only had enough money for small gifts for my family. My girlfriends give each other cheap little beauty gifts every year, such as nail polish or earrings.

I can’t even afford that now. I just have half a box of blank cards from last year and that’s it. But I have three close girlfriends who always give me gifts — small, but real. Please help me.

— Broke as a Bad Joke, West End

Dear Broke: You can do this, and in style. First, pick out the three prettiest Christmas cards in your box. Then, on plain paper, write three separate little lists for each girlfriend to tuck inside each card. List No. 1: the three things you admire most about her. List No. 2: three fun things you’ve done together. List No. 3: more fun activities you would like to share together in 2025.

Then write a Christmas greeting at the bottom of each card, such as: “So happy you’re my friend — Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”

Pop the lists into the three envelopes with the cards and wrap them up with a ribbon. They will definitely look and feel like the special Christmas presents they are.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My second husband is just awful at giving me presents. He doesn’t care about surprises. In fact, he digs my new, unwrapped gifts out from his shopping bags to show me, days before Christmas, saying, “Do you like this? Do you think this will fit you?” He acts like a big insecure kid.

His gifts are never a surprise for me under the tree. I have tried to teach my two half-grown children some Christmas and birthday gift-giving manners, and they’ve learned, but my man is 38 and hopeless.

He said to me that he doesn’t want me to spoil Christmas for him by lecturing him like his mother. I told him he was ruining the surprises for me.

We’re like siblings fighting over stupid stuff and it’s not at all endearing or sexy. His lack of control and putting zero value on surprising me gets on my nerves. What can I do?

— No Surprises, Selkirk

Dear No Surprises: Get your need for surprise gifts met by friends and your kids, and give them great surprises back. Let that be enough, so you can declare a peace at your house this Christmas.

Here’s a thought: once you stop hassling your husband, he might notice and be so grateful that he actually tries to hold off and surprise you the next time there’s a gifting celebration.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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