You don’t owe festive-season father advance notice

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This article was published 20/12/2024 (659 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband wants to connect with his “little family” this Christmas, as usual. He makes me so mad! He barely visits his kids all year, but he gets sentimental and lonely this time of year, and brings over expensive toys to buy his way through my door. The kids are always dying to see him, so I let him come in with his gifts and charm them like he’s Santa Claus.

He’s usually had a few drinks before he gets here on Christmas afternoon. Frankly, he makes me sick and I don’t want him here all afternoon, and then joining us for dinner again.

What should I do? Other years I’ve let him stay and play “daddy,” but this year my sister has invited us all to her place — though not him. But if I tell him that ahead of time, he might not show at our house at all, and the kids would be so hurt. What should I do?

— Yuletide Dilemma, West Kildonan

Dear Dilemma: You don’t owe your ex the courtesy of a warning. Let him bring his pricey gifts, and stay to play with the kids for a couple hours this Christmas Day afternoon — for their sake.

Then take him into the kitchen and tell him you’ll be leaving with the kids for your sister’s dinner soon, and he’ll have to say goodbye. He might just say, “If your sister knew I was here, I’d be invited!”

If he does, tell him this: “No, my sister knows you’re here every year at Christmas to see the kids, and is definitely not inviting you to her dinner.”

Be prepared. He might just shrug his shoulders or smile like he’s been caught out and say, “Hey, it was worth a try!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a university student, studying so much I can’t even work a part-time job. I live with my birth mother — a great mom who provides a bedroom and feeds me. She knows I have a great career ahead of me, and I have promised to pay her back, and more!

That said, I don’t have much money to spend on my mom, my remarried dad, his new lady and my two tiny new “sisters.” I adore those little angels, and they love me like crazy!

I’m a creative person. I’ve already knitted a gorgeous scarf for my birth mom, along with matching mitts she’s going to love. And, I also have scarves for both my dad and his new wife.

But what can I do for the new little kids in the family? I can’t afford most modern toys.

— ‘First Family’ Daughter, Fort Garry

Dear First Daughter: Building little snow statues — just three- to four-feet tall — starring the two little girls as angels, would give them a big kick on Christmas morning!

So, let your dad know about the plan first, then ask a friend to come over to create snow mounds in the yard during the day. After the kids’ bedtime, come back and mould the snow into simple snow angels, and use costume bits from a thrift shop. Angel wings and halos are easy to find at Christmas. The little girls will be delighted, especially if you label the statues with their names, so they each have their own!

You could also consider giving your dad and his mate a big box of Christmas treats you baked yourself — with a card about how much you enjoy time at their house and for “sharing the little angels!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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