Don’t overreact to subconscious mumbling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/12/2024 (624 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend has started having dreams and talking in his sleep. Last night I unfortunately overheard a dream he was having, and he was mumbling a woman’s name I recognized — his old girlfriend before me.

I was so mad! I got up and drove home at 4 a.m. He’s refused to answer any of my questions or respond to my accusations. Who’s in the right here?

— Have My Pride, St. Norbert

Dear Have Pride: When you’re sleeping beside a new mate, you automatically take a chance on overhearing them talk in their sleep. If they’re having an erotic dream and calling out a name that doesn’t sound like yours, it may be an “out-of-date” partner, and the dream is just a re-run of a once fun experience. It’s not really a matter of choice where our subconscious minds take us during REM sleep.

Why not phone your new guy, and try to talk about the situation more reasonably. You may even make up! And, who knows? You may one day have an erotic dream of your own, at his place. How would you want him to react, if you were not calling out his name? Perhaps with a sense of humour?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Everything went wrong for me in 2024. My wife — the eternal optimist — now says, “It can only get better in 2025!” I hope and pray for that.

Our relationship has become strained over our serious money problems. How did this happen to us? My wife really wanted to work half-time and be at home with the kids. The bottom line? She did it, but I didn’t make enough to support us and our five kids. It was a stupid experiment, because we really couldn’t afford it.

When we “almost” lost our house, we both had to get a job-and-a-half each just to hang onto it. Our oldest three kids (all teenagers) also went out and got paying jobs after school and on weekends.

The worst problem now? My wife and I have become nervous workaholics. Even worse, we hardly see one another as a whole family anymore. It’s so quiet at home when I’m working remotely, it makes me nervous. However, there is enough money to pay the bills and we’re safe now. Still, it feels like this family is walking on eggshells. What can we do to get us back together as a close family?

— Worried and Lonely, North Winnipeg

Dear Worried: The good news? You can rebuild a warm feeling at home, and here’s how to start. Ask your family to write down their current work and school hours, then, look for open spots of a few hours where you and your wife could get the family together for a meal once a week or some funny, old-fashioned face-to-face board games. Sharing home-baked treats and games where you actually interact with each other will help bring fun and laughter back.

You need to feel some lightness now. You’ve been carrying a heavy load for too long. You should know that your physician could possibly refer you to a psychiatrist for help or prescribe medication to help with the way you’re feeling. Therapy is covered by provincial health, although it could take a while to actually see someone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography