Don’t expect intimate hideout to stay on the sly

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/11/2023 (1000 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman in my mid-50s, in great health, with an older husband (my second marriage), but as of this summer, he’s no longer able to be sexual. We have three grown kids and assorted grandkids. So is it a tolerable situation? Not really.

I love sex and have just talked about a possible solution with a close male friend from a former job.

He’s still very attractive and sexually active. He told me his wife has also declared herself finished with their sexual situation, and even told him she has never liked sex much. He was devastated to find out she had just been tolerating sex to have kids and a family.

This week he asked me if I’d like to consider an arrangement. We would only see each other once or twice a month for fun afternoon playtimes.

He said it could involve an apartment for get-togethers and that he would be happy to pay for. I might just do it!

I think we could make it safe and discreet, and both of us could keep our marriage and families separate. What do you think of this arrangement?

— Feeling Tempted, Winnipeg

Dear Tempted: The people who get caught cheating the fastest are men or women — like this friend of yours — who are so proud of their little setups they drop hints to buddies they want to impress.

Those friends tell their partners, who tell their closest friends. Then somebody usually finds a way to get the message into the ears of the cuckolded mate — and everything blasts apart. Is that what you want?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend’s clothes are all black, right down to his underwear. We’ve been seeing each other for a month now, and he’s never worn a colour.

The other day I met him for drinks after work, and there he was — all dressed in black again. I looked at him and laughed, saying, “So who died today? You wore all black again.” I joked that he looked like a funeral director in some old-fashioned movie.

I laughed, but he didn’t. Instead he just gazed at his watch strap (black, of course). We were only 10 minutes into the cocktails and he totally stopped talking.

I finally insisted on a response, and he threw this stupid explanation at me: “You always wear a bra because it makes ‘the girls’ look higher and bigger. Guess what? Black makes me look taller and slimmer, and that gives me confidence enough to see a person like you.”

Then he threw enough money on the table for his own drink, leaving me sitting there like a fool. Does this mean our relationship is finished? Why can’t he take a little criticism? Why is he all bent out of shape? Should I call him?

— Not Finished With Him Yet, Norwood

Dear Not Finished Yet: Here’s a hot tip, milady — he’s finished with you. You won’t be seeing him in black or any other colour anymore. It only takes one person to opt out, and he’s clearly done it.

So what really happened here? Choosing to wear all black seemed like an affectation to you, so you mocked your boyfriend, making him feel foolish. He wants a woman who accepts his choices and style, and you definitely don’t.

If you do hazard calling him again, it should only be to apologize for trying to bully him out of his clothing style. If he won’t answer his phone, send him an apology via messaging. Then, leave the guy alone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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