Blast of past passion not a solution for future

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This article was published 24/11/2023 (1072 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a 33-year-old single woman with a great career I love — but no kids. I just ran into a recent lover of mine, at the spa. He looked gorgeous, but he was there with his wife. He and I kept stealing looks at each other.

Later, when I was finally at home again, he called me from his car on the road, and asked me how I was. I said sarcastically, “Just ducky! I’m free and single with no kids, and you’re still married to that woman you don’t love!”

He shot back, “My children will always want their dad and mom together!” But 20 minutes later he was parked in my back lane, and then banging on my kitchen door. I foolishly let him in; I couldn’t help it. I kissed him, and he walked me backwards down the hall to the bedroom. He stayed for three hours, and we were both so passionate. He confessed he still loves me! Now what?

It took me 10 long months to get over that man, and now he’s back trying to work his magic on me again! Help me figure this out, please. My bio clock is ticking like a time bomb and I really want my own family. I already have a well-paying profession.

— Crazy in Love? Elmwood

Dear Crazy: Regaining control of your life means figuring out what you want to achieve in your time on Earth, even if it isn’t done in the conventional order. It seems one of the biggest problems for you is the lack of children.

If you adopted a child, or even two, as a single mom, that’d take the pressure off of your life — and give you much more time to find a more available and trustworthy man you’re passionate about and want to marry.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I can’t concentrate at work. This new accountant has been hired and she has me all messed up. They aren’t supposed to make accountants this way — long black hair, brown eyes, long legs, great sense of humour — and 26 years old. I’m 28.

All the guys on the trucks are finding excuses to go into the office to talk to her. I’m kind of shy. She isn’t wearing any rings, and she’s funny! There are only a few women working here and they’re all married. How can I get this one’s attention without being obvious?

— One of Her New Fans, The Maples

Dear Fan: Don’t flirt with the new hire! Instead, ask her about her life, her family, pastimes and activities she likes, plus where she worked before and where she went to school. Volunteer similar information about yourself, but don’t get too personal.

In starting up a casual work friendship, you can both be honest. You may quickly discover (gulp) she already has a boyfriend. Or she might even tell you she doesn’t date anybody she works with, and that the flirty guys at work are really annoying her. In that case, just settle for being a good work pal. You never know — she may have some fun friends who are quite available, and happy to meet you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Regarding the husband whose wife says the exact opposite of whatever he says, she might have “oppositional defiant disorder.” I’m married to a man with that disorder, and he does the same thing all the time. It is most frustrating to have every idea challenged and “improved upon!”

— Always in the Wrong, Transcona

Dear Always Wrong: The opposite also exists — people who turn themselves inside out, agreeing with other people, in order to please them.

“Kissing up” is not quite as annoying as a contradictory husband, but it comes close.

To get to the middle, do this: next time your husband contradicts you, say: “Good news! We don’t need a consensus in this family anymore, so we’ll agree to disagree on this issue!” Then, swiftly change the topic.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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