Be positive, productive in partner’s travel absence

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/11/2023 (1004 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend just told me he’s been planning a five-week vacation across Australia with a bunch of his best buddies. This is a “for sure” thing, and I can’t do or say anything about it. He plans to leave here second week of February — when it’s summer weather there — and then I guess I won’t see him for over a month. I want to cry!

I’m worried he’s going to cheat on me with some crazy girl with a sexy Australian accent, or just leave me when it’s over, because he knows what it’s like to be free.

— Broken-Hearted Already, Fort Richmond

Dear Broken-Hearted: A five-month trip would be another story, but your guy is only going for five short weeks, with long travel days taking up the beginning and the end. The travel experience truth? Some people have a wild old time on holiday, and others find it less exciting, especially if they’re trying to see a whole country such as Australia, and are always on the move. The fact they’re travelling in a bigger group means it is not as likely to be a wild trip, and they won’t be hooking up with matching rafts of beach bunnies.

Take control of what you can! A smart idea would be to plan a very busy and social five weeks for yourself and friends. Make solid dates with different friends, throw a party for Valentine’s Day, and talk to your partner cheerfully online — to keep your image in his mind and imagination.

You could even consider planning your own trip with a few fun girlfriends and head off to Mexico. In fact, you might want to look into those tickets now — you’ll feel a whole lot better!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a fundraising party for a charity at an old friend’s house, and didn’t think to ask who’d be on their guest list. Only a nerd would do that. I innocently walked into the party, and immediately felt a pair of eyes on me. “Well, who have we here?” this heavily bearded guy asked, in a smooth, low voice.

I knew who it was, before I even looked at him closely. It was my former “boyfriend/roommate” — a guy I had to kick out!

The last time I saw him he was beardless and carrying his boxes out of my apartment, at my insistence. He owed me three months rent, as I was carrying the whole financial load for both of us and could hardly afford groceries.

I bolted out of that party, and he followed me! I took off in my car and got away, but I was furious.

I pulled over to the curb to call the party host. I said, “Why did you do that? Why did you set me up for that horrible experience?”

He said, “That poor guy’s still in love with you. For pity’s sake, he was out of work for three months and he’s finally on his feet again. He begged me to invite you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been on my list!”

Help! I don’t know how to take this. How did I end up the villain?

— Furious, Charleswood

Dear Furious: The party host obviously doesn’t think your ex-boyfriend did anything particularly wrong. Perhaps he was fed an untrue story by your former love.

Your ex-boyfriend does sound like a smart aleck. The line “Who have we here?” is a taunt — not the beginning of an apology or a reasonable payback arrangement.

Perhaps your ex is of the belief love conquers all and also that you have enough money, time has gone by and he doesn’t owe you anything anymore.

You obviously don’t agree, and you have the right to be less than friendly. Paying for everything meant it was hard for you to buy enough food. Your ex should at least try to pay some of that rent money back, now that he’s working and on his feet again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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