Wife right to feel left out of major decision

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/03/2025 (582 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I bought a beautiful cabin this week for us and came home to tell my new wife the big surprise. She said, “How dare you! While you make more money, I get to make 50 per cent of the big decisions!”

I said, “But the cabin is amazing and it was such a good deal, and it’s a style you like. Don’t you even want to see it?” She said, “OK, I’ll go see your cabin,” so off we went this morning.

It turned out she really likes it, but she still doesn’t want me to think I can “pull power plays” behind her back, just because I earn more money. What now?

— Upset New Husband, Portage la Prairie

Dear Upset New Husband: Make a pact together for this cabin purchase and take it to your lawyers to get advice and write it all up legally, ASAP. Because, what happens if you two split up, or you somehow lose your job?

This legal business deal doesn’t sound very romantic, but the idea is for both of you to feel good about the situation going into it together. So, work it out and take the time to make it truly agreeable to both of you, and for the future, don’t make any more big decisions without consulting your wife beforehand.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so angry! My youngest son and I took a run up to our cottage last weekend to check out our property, and found the screen door was ajar and the back door — a thick wood one for winter — was unlocked because a lock had been broken.

We went inside, and everything looked fine, except the big bedroom looked like some visitors had been using it, including an animal who pooped on the carpet.

Our next-door neighbours, who also happened to be there to check out their cabin, found intruders had partied in their place for the winter, and left a giant pile of liquor bottles.

The intruders at both cabins did not ransack them, thankfully, but the beds were disturbed and it just freaked us out.

What should we do? It’s another two months before we want to start coming up regularly.

— Upset Cottagers, Whiteshell

Dear Upset: Go to the nearest police station to your cabin and make a report. Talk to the officers about what happened since last fall when you closed up.

They will have files on break-ins in the area, though not about yours it seems — so it may have been quite recent.

Once the snow is almost gone and it’s easier to get in, there’s always more action happening. Thieves are looking for valuables, tools, liquor — anything they can use or sell — plus it’s a place to party and shelter at night.

How can you prevent more of this at your cabin? Make it more difficult with locked shutters and also install more robust locks on all your doors. Some cottage owners actually hire locals to check on their properties regularly, from fall to spring.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography