Mutual fantasy still thrives, so why not?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/03/2025 (575 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sex buddy from my university days moved to Vancouver years ago and never came back. But then a few weeks ago we ran into each other at a business event in Winnipeg — the reception had an open bar.

I heard him way across the room braying like a donkey — no one else laughs like that in this world. I followed his laughter and then I saw him up close, and pointed my fingers at him — like a gun. I squinted my eyes, pulled the imaginary trigger and softly said, “Bam.” He did the same thing right back. (That was our old signal for, “Meet me in the car for some action.”)

He came closer and whispered in my ear, “You serious? I don’t even know what car you’re driving these days.” So, I took him over to a the window and pointed — “That red one.” We met there 15 minutes later after quickly making excuses to leave the reception.

It was naughty fun playing in my car — just a great laugh, like old times. Now he’s gone home and I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s not married and neither am I. It’s not love and I doubt it ever will be, but we are so attracted. Should I ask him to come back for a visit? He says he wants to see me again.

— Can’t Stop Fantasizing, Winnipeg

Dear Fantasizing: Why not have some fun together? You can invite this man to Winnipeg or volunteer to fly to Vancouver and he could have fun hosting you — maybe going to dinners, dancing and then playing the game you love best.

If you do fly out there, get your own hotel so you have an alternative place to be. Who knows what could grow from this fun trip since you’re both free now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At 5 a.m. my new girlfriend — a musician — wasn’t home again. No doubt she was “playing” after the gig with one of the band members. That’s how she rolls. I couldn’t stand it anymore — my head was aching and I knew I wanted her out of my life.

So, I got up, threw all her clothes in two moving boxes she used to move into my place three months ago.

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep and was ready to blow sky high, so I called my best friend when the sun came up. He swore loudly, but came right over to help me.

I needed him and his van to help me deliver my girlfriend’s wardrobe, her two cats, three litter boxes and collection of musical instruments to her mother’s house.

Her mom was shocked when she saw us opening the fence and backing up to the deck. When she came out shrieking at us, I yelled back: “Your daughter is moving back home today.”

She asked why and then I lost it. I told her that her daughter has another boyfriend she’s started sleeping with and has not once paid her half of the rent, bills or groceries. Also, she drinks wine all day at home and keeps getting fired from her music gigs.

Her mom started crying and said, “I knew this would happen, and you were so nice, too.”

I told her I was going home to change my locks, and let her know I would phone her daughter to tell her where her stuff was and that she’d living with mommy again.

Her mother dried her tears and stared at me. It was very awkward, so we just left.

I started chasing this girl in the first place because she was sexy, beautiful and a “performer” in every way imaginable. I fell for her, but she was just using me to get out of her mother’s house.

She never helped me cook, clean or do anything. She just sat on her phone.

When I would get mad about anything, she would say, “So spank me, why don’t you, daddy?” I don’t hit women, and I don’t want that kinky kind of relationship. But now what? I know she’ll keep coming over drunk and banging on my door.

She won’t give up because she can’t stand to be left, like her father left her mother. What can I do to get rid of her for good?

— Refuse to Get Used, Westwood

Dear Refuse: You still need one last conversation with this woman, so talk to your ex in a public place — not anywhere she could try to seduce you back into the relationship just so she won’t have to stay with her mom.

Explain that you two are finished for good, and to stop contacting you. Make it clear that she needs to get some counselling help over her dad abandoning her mom and her, but don’t offer to help her with her problems. You don’t owe that to her after how she’s treated you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography