With busy new mate, best to look out for No. 1

Opinion

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This article was published 20/03/2025 (192 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a woman with a beautiful new girlfriend, but there’s one big problem. Other women chase her and call her constantly, and so do some guys! She makes a lot of contacts, but at this point, I’m pretty sure I’m her No. 1 love.

She told me early on: “I’m usually attracted to women, but I’ve had a boyfriend or two, so don’t be surprised.”

Gulp! Now, how do I deal with my insecurity and jealousy over all the other people she talks to and meets in her work and busy social life.

— Green-Eyed Gal, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Green-Eyed: Right now, you’re afraid to ask anything that rocks the boat, because it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever be the only one with this lady. You might remain her “No. 1” though, and one fine day this woman’s feelings may grow to the point of loving you to the exclusion of all others, but it doesn’t seem likely, with the way you describe things.

Still want her anyway? To have a chance at landing a slippery one like this, you’ll need lots of other friends, and maybe another a lover or two in reserve. But that doesn’t sound like a natural lifestyle for you, does it?

Instead, you might be best to look for a similar sparkly woman who attracts people, but does not like to roam. You’ll need luck finding that special combo, but it can be done.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At first, I couldn’t put my finger on why my co-worker was getting all the promotions and the best shifts.

Then I happened to come in very early one day to finish a big project for the morning meeting. When I got into the office at 7 a.m., I sneaked to the big bathroom by the fancy offices way in the back, to put on my makeup. Then I heard some weird noises!

I looked out the door and peeked into the dark office space nearby and saw a scene I can’t forget. Our male boss and my co-worker were too involved in what they were doing with each other to notice anything or anyone. They thought they were alone in the dark.

I thought bitterly, “So that’s how you get ahead in this company — no need for a hard day’s work.” Yes, I know I sound nasty, but these are both married people, with young families at home.

I know it would be stupid and dangerous for me to ever approach either of them about their morning get-together. Would sending an anonymous letter to them saying “some people know your secret” be a good idea?

— Disgusted Employee, Manitoba

Dear Disgusted: Anonymous letters can make the writer look somewhat disturbed, so it may not be the best idea.

Since your workplace makes you feel disgusted, a smarter move would be to quietly look for a better job elsewhere. But don’t get reckless — be very careful about preserving your present job. This pair you saw don’t know that you saw them, so don’t gossip to other people at work or even to outside friends.

If you haven’t told anyone the secret, you can relax and take your time finding a new job elsewhere. That can make for a better result without getting embroiled in this office affair.

Remember, if you already have a job, you can take your time in finding a better working environment, and a happier future.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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