Heed young son’s advice about risky attention

Opinion

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This article was published 15/03/2025 (191 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m the official house-husband now and I could be in big trouble. I just started working out of our dining-room home office and walk our puppy several times a day.

When I take the dog to meet my son at school, this pretty young woman who works there has started flying out to walk us partway home, where she catches her bus. She starts fussing over the pup and then walks beside me, yapping away.

As usual, my son wants to get rid of her and just be able to talk to daddy. So, he finally said to her today, “Who are you? You’re not my mommy.” I was shocked at the rudeness, but also kind of pleased. This woman knows I’m married, but she’s been flirting with me on these walks — and my son has picked up on it.

I said to her that I was sorry about his outburst, but after school my son wants to talk to me about his day and that is our special time together. He beamed.

She left, after saying to me, “Are you sure?” and then she winked. What was that supposed to mean? I can’t stop thinking about it.

— Curious Dad, West End

Dear Curious: That means she thinks you’re just making an excuse, so she’s going to keep chasing you, but in a different way.

This woman is aware she’s been horning in on your walk home with your boy and his pup, and she knows you’re married, so keep away. Give your boy and your wife what they deserve, not what’s left over.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Without getting into the deepest mud of it, I’m the mom of three grown men in their late 20s. Their dad has always been on the road, trucking, but the rest of us have always gotten together for Sunday dinners and other special days. We play cards and games and generally enjoy one another.

My youngest son has brought a girlfriend with him for dinners, lately. If you can imagine this, she’s jealous of my bond with my son and the family time we spend together. I’ve tried to make her feel welcome, but she tells my son that our family is “phoney and mushy.”

She’s causing problems where there are none. What’s behind this behaviour? My son tells me her mother has spent a fair bit of her life in a mental-health facility. I’m fearful the daughter may have some issues, too, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I really don’t want my whole family to be stressed out whenever this new girlfriend comes over. I’ve never dealt with a person with so much anger in her.

I also don’t want my son to feel pulled in two directions. I’m afraid he’ll stop coming altogether. I would hate to lose my son over her, or anybody. Help.

— Nervous Mom, East Kildonan

Dear Nervous Mom: Spend some time alone with your son under the guise of a renovation project you need help with this spring. Make it something his girlfriend would want no part in.

Then use it to open the channels up with him — something such as building and painting a gardening shed or just some kind of fairly minor repair could work well.

If you work quietly and pleasantly with him, his thoughts will likely come around to his girlfriend fairly quickly and he may confide in you about their relationship. Listen attentively and don’t make the mistakes of preaching or prying. Ask him what he loves about his girlfriend, and what she loves about him.

The idea is to rebuild communication between you two. He may be worried about his girlfriend and their relationship and feel he has no one to confide in.

A concern he might be hiding is that she needs serious emotional help, like her mom, and can’t admit to or afford the help she needs. He might also be worried about what kind of mother she would make if they stay together for the long term.

Also, he may have low self-confidence and be hanging out with her because he’s afraid he isn’t going to find anybody who will love him.

What can you do about that? Amp up the praise, love and understanding, so he gains self-esteem and a feeling of real support from you.

Also help him find professional counselling so he can unload about his own insecurities and the dynamics with different people in his world. If he can’t get counselling through his workplace, maybe you can help him pay for it. It would be a great gift — but only if he wants it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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