Suss out specifics of sweetie’s solo sojourns

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This article was published 10/03/2025 (599 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a widow and richer than I will ever be. She was alone for a long period before we met and had gotten into the habit of going on spur-of-the-moment trips whenever she had extra cash, which was about every four months.

Right now, she’s about ready to fly off again to see another girlfriend.

My buddies have started to cruelly tease me by asking, “So which guy is your girlfriend, going to visit this time?”

Maybe they’re right. To tell you the truth, I suspect there may be some guy at the other end of these flights. She never takes a female friend with her.

— Am I a Fool? South St. Vital

Dear Am I a Fool: Breakups are less painful when a relationship has not become particularly deep. That would seem to be the case here, as there seems to much you don’t know about your mate.

You may want to cut to the chase and get a sense of what’s really going on. So, start with light travel chit-chat and when she mentions her next solo trip, ask her outright if she’s actually going to meet a guy. Then just wait in silence. If she fesses up to that, thank her and tell her, “Now at least the playing field is even. I’ll feel free to see other people when you’re away.”

She may not be in love with you, but you can bet she won’t feel good knowing you’re on to her and consider yourself free like her to play the field whenever you’re apart. Sneaking around is only fun when you’re the only one doing the sneaking.

Then the question that may linger in her mind will be if you even want to see her when she flies home the next time. Probably not as much, and that will be on her mind, spoiling things to a degree when she’s away — one can only hope.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out my male second cousin has moved to Winnipeg to work and go to university part-time, and hasn’t even contacted me.

When we were teenagers, we always flirted and kissed on summer holidays when my family visited theirs in Saskatchewan.

Now that we’re in the same city (we’re both 19), I started thinking we’d have a better chance of really getting together, so I got his phone number from his sister and called him up to invite him to join me to see a band. He said he didn’t have anything else to do, so he agreed to come along. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic, but he gave me his address and I picked him up.

I was more than happy to be hanging out with my sexy cousin at the bar, but when I invited him back to my place afterwards, he told me sharply, “A little flirting was one thing when we were kids, but to go further with a cousin now is very unappealing.”

He might as well have slapped me. I felt insulted and totally crushed.

I was holding back tears when I ran for my car. I have no idea how he got home in the cold and I don’t care. Now what?

— Insulted and Hurt, Winnipeg

Dear Insulted and Hurt: It’s time to move past this “kissing cousins” fantasy for good. He’s clearly not interested and also seems to be experiencing guilt about what you two did in the past. So when he sensed the way you were looking at him as a grown-up guy, it just did not feel right and he had to let you know.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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