Focus on upsides of ex’s relocation nearby

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m going right up the wall. I just found out my ex-husband is moving back onto our old street where I still live. He’ll be about two minutes away from the house we bought together when we got married.

I got our home in the divorce settlement and our kids and I still live in it. Why did he do this?

It’s like a small town around here and everybody is already talking. This morning I heard people were betting on whether we’ll be getting back together

The kids, I must admit, are thrilled. Now daddy can pick them up from school more often, they can stay at his place for more overnights and they even like his new girlfriend.

When the kids were in bed last night, my oldest boy told me that dad’s former girlfriend (she was with him the last two years, until recently) told him she was sick of his “spoiled-rotten kids.”

I hope that doesn’t mark them for long. They seem to like their father’s new lady a lot better.

Now, the big question: how do I act when I run into my ex, who will be in my face almost every second day, according to the new calendar of child-visitation he proposes?

— Worried Ex, Fort Rouge

Dear Worried: Oddly enough, you have a lot of reasons to celebrate this new move, as things will be much better for the kids having their dad living closer. He’ll have more time with them, and that gives you more time to meet new friends and possibly even a new love.

So start thinking of their dad as a trustworthy babysitter and tell him you’re glad his new girlfriend is treating your kids well. No doubt you’ve already told him the mean things his ex-girlfriend said to them. You needed to do that.

Tell your ex-husband you think you should both be very careful now who you introduce to your kids. He may tell you to mind your own business, but he’ll still have heard what you said. Then it’s time to start being positive again.

Ask your ex if he would like to figure out what extra-curricular activities he might like to do with the kids this spring and you can divvy things up between you.

As for you, there will be more freedom and that means more time to see girlfriends and even to start dating somebody new and special who passes the kid-loving/respecting test.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom smokes cigars and it’s embarrassing me. She doesn’t buy the skinny little ones either. She likes them big and stinky. When my friends come into the house, they make comments about my mom and her cigars, and she thinks she’s so cool.

I’m 20. I told her I would stop smoking weed in the house if she would stop smoking cigars, and she just laughed. She said it was her house and since I have a full-time job, I could either start paying rent or move out. She said she pays for everything, so she gets to make the house rules. What do you think?

— No Respect, East Kildonan

Dear No Respect: It looks like your stubbornness is going to land you on the steps with a suitcase. You have a sweet deal now — a full-time job that pays and mama doesn’t make you pay any rent — so she makes the rules and you follow or you’ll be moving out soon. Although, it probably is time you found your own place, especially if you want things your way.

But be aware, landlords who rent houses and apartments don’t tend to like the smell of weed and may actually ban all smoking in their properties.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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