Sympathy would be misspent on uncaring ex

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-boyfriend has just shown back up in Winnipeg and phoned me from his cousin’s house because she was the only one who would give him a bed.

He told me, bitterly, he has to stay in her basement where it’s cold. Boo hoo. This is the jerk who was cheating on me most of our relationship and passed on an STI to me and to another woman I know.

I think he got away with that because he is very good looking and women keep saying “yes” to him, I’ll bet, until they get their test results back.

Last night he came over to my place in a taxi and buzzed me, but I wouldn’t let him in. I yelled out the window for him to go away.

I guess he couldn’t afford the cab back to his cousin’s place because he walked up the street, all hunched over, towards the bus stop with his duffel bag over one shoulder.

It was such a pathetic sight I almost ran outside to call him back, but then I reminded myself of what he did to me.

What should I do? Should I be kind and offer him shelter?

— Kindhearted Fool, St. James

Dear Kindhearted: The three biggest problems for you with this man are memories of your past erotic experiences; your own loneliness quotient; and basic human compassion. That combo will only add up to worse trouble if you give in — and this won’t be his last try for you either.

How long do you think he’ll last by himself on your couch if you let him in? You were doing fine until you clapped eyes on his face and body again. He still has them. That’s why you must totally cut him off.

Consider this alternative: there’s nothing stopping you from looking for a guy who looks a little like him, but has a much more trustworthy personality.

Also, you should always use barrier protection, such as condoms, when having sex with anyone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and our go-go-go baby are both fireballs. That’s where the resemblance ends. The baby is light brown and my wife and I are both Black with darker skin tones. We both have tight curly hair and brown eyes.

Our child is surprisingly fair with light eyes. I’ve had a few looks through some family photos and don’t see any blond and light-eyed influence there. Is it wrong to keep looking? I’ve become obsessed.

I never cheated on my wife and I would have bet a lot of money she wouldn’t cheat on me either. What else could explain this?

— All Messed Up, Fort Richmond

Dear Messed Up: A fairer-haired baby with lighter skin tone can be born to two Black parents due to a combination of recessive genes inherited from both parents. Those genes are not expressed in the parents’ skin tone, but can be expressed in their children’s colouring.

So, this fairer baby’s skin tone most likely came from further back in your family trees, not from cheating.

You would be best to get off this train of thought, which is leading you nowhere good. The last thing you need is to start looking at each other suspiciously, or to have your child pick up on your suspicions when they get older and feel they are the result of cheating, and don’t know who their real parents are.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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