Don’t get your hopes up too high for mystery ‘sis’

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found some old pictures of my blond mother — and there’s one shocking photo. She’s with a young blond man and a baby girl they’re holding up between them at what appears to be some kind of party. That baby also has a big shock of blond hair sticking straight up.

It looks a bit like baby pictures of Mom and me, though that baby’s eyes are different and the photo is dated a few years before I was even born. Whose baby is it? Could this baby be an older sister of mine?

There had been whispers from jealous cousins claiming my mother had a baby when she was away at medical school and then gave the child up for adoption to keep on track with her studies.

When I asked my mother about that, she was so angry! She said, “Don’t be ridiculous. I went straight through university and never quit. My cousins are just spiteful and jealous, saying things like that.”

My mother got married to a red-haired man — my dad — two years after her graduation and then they had me. I’m a lonely only child. For years I hoped against hope for a sister. When I calculate things, that mystery baby from in photo might be just a few years older than me. It would be a dream come true if that was the case.

— Lonely No More? Eastern Manitoba

Dear Lonely: It sounds like you’re pretty desperate to have a sister! So why not show the old picture you found to your mom, but not in an accusatory way. It’s most likely a girlfriend or a cousin’s baby she and this guy were posing with just for fun.

Young people can sometimes pose like parents with babies for a laugh at parties, and especially if the baby looks like them. They’re just clowning around. If they did have a secret to hide, that kind of photo likely wouldn’t be something they would do intentionally.

There’s a slight chance two people who created a child they weren’t going to keep might pose for a picture with it, for history’s sake, but it likely wouldn’t be at a party, and it seems like a very painful thing to do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I did something I’m ashamed of, and I need to tell you. My boyfriend came home drunk again and I’d had enough of waiting up for him, so I quickly picked a fight with him, and when he wanted to have sex, I refused him. I told him he was “a drunk and a loser.”

I left the apartment, slamming the door, and stayed at my girlfriend’s little place close by for the night. The next day, I took my time returning home, and all his clothes and electronics were gone! He just left a note saying: “I’m out of here.”

Now I can’t locate him anywhere. I know he’s pulled a disappearing act before with other girlfriends where he goes back to live with his mom. But what if something bad has happened to him?

I still care about him, but there’s no more love or laughter left in this relationship. What can I do now?

— Fed Up, Fort Richmond

Dear Fed Up: Wherever he is, this game is over — and you both lost! You’ve essentially broken up with him, and he seems to have had enough of you, too. Apparently, you won’t get the satisfaction of the last word before splitting for good.

Call his mom and let her know you’ve broken up with her son and ask her if she’s seen him. Is he possibly bunking in her basement? Tell her you want to bring her a bag of stuff he left behind and then visit her, but don’t linger to talk.

Forget having any more useless discussions with this guy. It’s clearly time to rebuild your social life with a better guy who is not, as you put it yourself, a drunk and a loser.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography