Best not to snub dad’s surprise sweetheart

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My dog and I just moved into a little house with my old-fashioned dad. My mom is not well, and my parents have recently split up.

My dad and I have the same first name, so I’m known as “Junior.” Sometimes we get our mail mixed up. Yesterday I got home first, grabbed the mail and quickly opened a letter with a fancy flower sticker on it, thinking my girlfriend must have sent it.

It was actually for my dad — from a woman I remembered he used to work with. She’d enclosed a sexy photo! I handed the letter to dad and said, “Sorry! I didn’t know this was for you, until I opened it.”

He laughed a very nervous laugh. Soon I found out why. Guess who was coming over for a barbecue? The letter writer — obviously dad’s new girlfriend! She even brought a chocolate mousse dessert, his all-time favourite. The woman knows him well, so I don’t think she’s new. I’d bet money on it.

I didn’t mind her company — she was funny, for sure — but I really don’t want my dad to have a girlfriend here much until I move out in the summer. When she left, dad said, “Bye, darling. See you next week!” What? Do they have weekly “thing?”

What will this involve — my dad having sex with his “girlfriend” and me running out the door beforehand every week? Can’t he wait a few months? How do I cope with this nonsense?

— Feeling Weird, North End

Dear Feeling Weird: Your dad’s sweetie will be trying to please you at first, because she cares for your father. Give her a chance and she might become a casual friend to you; that would make things happier and less awkward for everybody.

Also, if you’re cold to her, she might pressure your father to boot you out of “their” love nest sooner than you think, and he’s likely to do it! New romances don’t come around all that often, especially in our later years.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young family has always been happy and predictable, or so I thought. Then my husband came home three sheets to the wind and told me he’d finally met the “real love of his life” and he was “moving on.”

He said the relationship “just happened,” and he tried to fight it, but now it’s serious. I can’t believe he used the word “serious” as if I were a quickie girlfriend and we had no children or no life history together.

We’ve been married almost eight years and have two kids who need their parents together.

I totally lost it! I was holding on to a plate, and before I knew it, I threw it across the table at his face and hit him. He ran out of the house and drove off in his truck.

I pretty much knew “the girlfriend” must be waiting, and he was racing there for sympathy. My adrenalin shot way up, so I packed all his clothes in bags and threw them out in the garbage.

Then, I broke down sobbing and called our family lawyer told her what had happened. She said, “Bring those garbage bags back in, get a neighbour to babysit and get over here now.”

When I arrived — what a shock. My husband was already there, with a big bruise on the side of his face. Our small-town lawyer has known both of us for years, and talked turkey to both of us, so we decided to give it one more try. I took my husband back “for now,“ mostly because he’s the children’s father and I have no outside job to support our them.

The worst thing? The love I had for my husband has turned to disgust. What can I do?

— Living a Big Lie, southern Manitoba

Dear Living a Big Lie: You might consider going for couples counselling to try to make the relationship better, or for help to finally let it go. You’ll also need individual counselling. This man has betrayed you repeatedly, and your feelings for him look like they’re never coming back. You have also crossed the line with your husband, violently injuring him.

In the end, you both need serious counselling, and that can cost money. That means you really need to seek a part- or full-time job now, as you have some big choices to make. Even a part-time job will give you enough income to help you build a feeling of increased strength and independence.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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