Seasonal disconnect calls for relationship talk

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This article was published 15/04/2025 (499 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Spring is in the air and the season awakens me sexually. My husband doesn’t want to hear about it, as I’m already far more sensual than he is.

When the sun is shining all afternoon, I want what I want. I think it’s nature’s way. This morning, I reached for my husband in a sexy way, and he rolled his eyes and said, “It’s springtime again around here. I can tell.”

That was a dangerous mistake for him to make. There’s a new guy I’m working with who has a big thing for me. He’s polite, but he’s already saying things such as, “You’re looking nice again today.”

Do I owe it to my one and only sex partner to be true when he doesn’t even desire me?

— Feeling Rejected, North End

Dear Rejected: It’s important for you to have a talk with your husband, so he actually realizes your marriage is in trouble. Let him know that physical love — affection and sex — are as important to you as the long-term friendship bond in your relationship. Let him know you didn’t intend to marry someone who would turn out to only be a buddy eventually.

Let it be a statement, not an argument, and give him time to think about that.

Then come back with a new conversation about what you would like to experience in a renewal of your love and sexual relationship if he’s up for it.

Let him know you desire a more romantic and sensual bond with him, which includes going out together as a couple and enjoying an active sex life.

That will work better than simply threatening him with leaving. It shows him what both you and he need — a renewal of your dating and romantic life — if he wants to remain in a relationship with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We are new Canadians from a culture where it’s common for two or three generations to live together. I do miss my easygoing mother a lot and want her and my dad to move into our house, which feels empty to me.

They recently moved here from our homeland. I think that would work well for all of us. Our younger two boys still need close supervision, and I want to go back to my career half-time. My parents are great with the boys and looking after the kids would give them new purpose.

My husband said he would be OK with that because he wants his recently widowed mother to move in with us, too.

But when he asked her, she surprised us and said that we were too late ­— she already has a new man in her life.

I can’t tell you how shocked my husband is. Last night he said to me that they must be having sex. Of course they are ­— they are only in their late 50s.

So now it feels like our family life as we know it is shifting under our feet. I want things to settle down again, quickly. What is your advice?

— Family Shake-up, The Maples

Dear Family Shake-up: First, keep your nose out of your mother-in-law’s love life.

Just let her know you approve of her finding a new romantic interest, even if her son is dragging his feet. Support her and be nice to her new man.

As for the situation with your own mom and dad, is it possible to do a trial run with a two-week audition under the same roof? You might think you want your parents to move in, but then find out you’re no longer the boss of your own house or your own kids.

Having your parents move closer, as in down the block, may end up being a better idea, and the kids could get back and forth easily.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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