Sister’s sneaky move calls for some real unpacking

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My younger sister just turned 18 and has her first full-time job. She’s had about three or four paycheques now. This week she shocked the whole family by announcing she was moving out into her own place.

She refused anybody’s moving help, saying she would have the whole family over for a barbecue once she was settled. She wouldn’t let Dad help her move a single thing with his van, either.

Then she said, carelessly, “Thanks, but we’ve got everything covered.” We? What secret housemate does she have? Who is she hiding? I had to find out, so when she went outside for a smoke, I went through her purse and found a receipt for a king-sized bed to be delivered to a certain address. I had the location.

That night my best friend and I drove across town to her new address and spotted a familiar old van in front of a tiny house — it belonged to my ex-boyfriend. Suddenly, I realized everything that was going on behind my back, and it was awful. I drove home in shock and told our parents.

My dad just went silent, and then it hit him. Then he poured my mom and himself some stiff drinks. So far they have done nothing except to tell me how sorry they are.

The truth is my sister is living with my ex-boyfriend — a guy I recently kicked out of my life. Yes, deep down I knew she liked him herself, but tough luck, he was mine.

I still don’t know what to say or do. We used to be a tight-knit family and now everything has blown up.

— Sisterly Shock, South St. Vital

Dear Sisterly Shock: He may be an ex-boyfriend, but he’s not your boyfriend anymore, and your sister is 18 and legally an adult herself. This turn of events is not against the law, although it feels nasty to you and like you’ve had something stolen from you.

However, you did have the first long run with this man, and you rejected him. You don’t get to dictate who your ex’s next love can be, even if it’s someone controversial such as your sister. From what you say, it doesn’t seem they were cheating behind your back while you were a couple, although keeping it secret they were even dating now is hurtful.

The reality is, you and your parents need to sit down and talk this mess over. Do not phone your sister and castigate her for stealing your ex when you’ve already rejected him. Your parents should not gang up on her in your defence, either.

The bottom line is you need to find a mate you really love and admire, and who feels the same way back. You already know you and your ex weren’t meant for each other, so let things cool. When you have a new guy you really do love, this will become a non-issue and maybe the family can heal in time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My favourite time of the year is spring and I have asked my newly retired husband if he will build me a little shed in our garden. We live on a small farm and still have three horses and some goats, but my man is bored and restless.

I would like a one-room escape under the trees where I can go to sew clothes, play classical music on my violin and have naps in the shade. When I showed him some plans from magazines and online I have collected, he said they were nice but then added, “What about me? Don’t I get a wish?” I said he did.

He said, “Now that we’re both retired, I would like a sex life like we used to have.”

Now I don’t know what to think. I’m at a loss for words. I guess I’d like to have sex like that again, but how do you get back to that when it’s been missing a long time?

— Somewhat Intrigued, eastern Manitoba

Dear Intrigued: Maybe it’s time for a pact. Say to your beloved, “How about if we work on both projects we fancy, together?”

That means you start exploring your new love life by reading some erotica with him, and you both also research some plans for the “she shed.”

If visitors want to know what’s going on in the backyard this spring, just laugh and tell them you’re doing some “woodshedding.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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