You and ex-wife could work again — with help

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This article was published 20/09/2024 (740 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My divorced wife came back to visit me and said, “I’ve reached the point I don’t want a baby anymore, and I want you back!” This woman left me and broke my heart because she couldn’t get pregnant by me. She put the blame on me for her heartache.

But life’s tough, and it turned out her second husband couldn’t get her pregnant either. Now he’s left her, because he was so tired of her pestering him for a baby, and she’s just hitting menopause. Now she’s looking back over her shoulder at me, the guy who loved her and treated her like gold.

Why? Because she’s finally given up on the family idea (or so she says) and she “still loves” me. Miss L., we had a lot of great sex trying to start a family, and we were really good sex partners. We were deep friends, too. Also, let’s be realistic, I have a lot of money, and she really liked that aspect.

Now I’m trying to decide what to do. I haven’t met anyone better, but she broke my heart when she left me. What do you think of this mess?

— Bitter, but Interested, North Kildonan

Dear Bitter: You still care about your ex, so you might need to give this a try. It may or may not work, depending on how much bitterness still exists over the marriage breakup. You’ll definitely need to go for serious talks with an open-minded relationship counsellor to see if the anger between you two can be resolved.

Also, you’ll need to look at your future and what style of life you’d want together, beyond the materialistic. Is the desire for children, from any source, totally done now? If not, some couples find a deep connection and happiness in adopting children — and not necessarily infants.

Others find the need to parent satisfied through welcoming animals into their home. Maybe you need a little place in the country. Bottom line? If you take this woman back, you’re going to get a lot of unasked-for criticism from friends who are worried for you. Luckily, it’s not their business, but make sure to tell them that nicely.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son’s recently-dumped girlfriend cheated on him, the minx. If I weren’t desperate for a way to fill my time, I wouldn’t let her in my door!

She’s trying to get him back by being sweet to me. I’m a widow the last five years and live all alone. She’s been bringing gifts for me — baked treats — and she always asks to play cards with me. I enjoy the games, but I’m not fool enough to help her in this obvious scheme.

I’ve told her bluntly I’m not her way back into my son’s heart! She just shrugs and deals the cards. What do her little shrugs mean? She keeps coming back to my door uninvited, every week.

— Hard to Say No, Westwood

Dear Hard to Say No: The shrugs mean she doesn’t care what you think. This “minx” sees you as an avenue to your son, and she digs out more valuable information at every visit. Unfortunately, her unscheduled drop-ins may be keeping your son from visiting you. It’s time to replace this woman with friends closer to your own age, and let her find a different way to keep tabs on your son.

The good news? You can stop feeling hopeless about finding friends to play cards and enjoy other activities with you. The Manitoba Association of Senior Communities (manitobaseniorcommunities.ca) now has numerous centres in Winnipeg offering many great activities — such as the card games you love. You’ll be meeting a fun crowd closer to your age, and you’ll have a good chance at making new friends by getting involved in different activities.

For more online information, go to the Manitoba Seniors Guide (mb.211.ca/mb-seniors-guide), or phone 211 and ask where you can find the nearest seniors’ centre. Then get yourself well-involved.

Then, the next time your son’s ex-girlfriend comes calling, tell her it isn’t really appropriate to be hanging out with her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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