Malodorous mate not passing the sniff test

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/03/2024 (881 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a new man who smells like a winner — five days out of seven. On the weekends, he gets raunchy-smelling like a jungle animal, especially after working out, and seems to revel in it. He claims it’s not healthy to be smearing chemicals on your armpits.

He’s an adorably funny guy, and very intelligent as well. How can I get him to see how much sexier things could be between us if he would just keep up his bodily hygiene whenever he’s with me, including weekends?

He only goes pit commando on weekends, so it appears he doesn’t want to offend other people at his workplace. He works for a big company, but did recently get a warning about his body odour. I was secretly glad.

I toughed out his fumes at first without saying anything, but recently I’ve been finding excuses to dodge him on Saturdays and Sundays. His natural smell gets pretty raunchy throughout the day. What should I do?

—Thinking of Jumping Ship, Fort Garry

Dear Thinking: There are many positive things to be said for cutting down on chemicals used on your body. Still, smelling so bad that you lose friends and lovers doesn’t make sense unless you can find a mate who feels the same way — or someone with anosmia, the partial or full loss of the sense of smell.

The thing that really jumps out here is your boyfriend’s disregard for other people’s comfort.

He doesn’t really care if he grosses you out, or makes you feel ill. He may be charming, but he’s also a “me-first” kind of person. You can bet that will extend into other areas once he thinks you are too emotionally-invested to leave him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex of a year moved back to town without warning me. I had no idea she would ever come back or I wouldn’t have started dating the woman who used to work under her.

My ex was the great love of my life and she still has a stranglehold on my heart. What she has done isn’t fair.

She told me she would never be back, so I assessed what was left and decided life was still worth living — but I needed someone. My ex’s assistant used to give me the eye, so I called her up and asked her out. We had a great first date that lasted all weekend at her place and we’ve been together every weekend since.

According to town gossip, my ex didn’t really like living in the city, so that’s why she got her old job back.

I don’t know what to do now. I need to know if my ex wants me back, and if she does, what will I do then? This isn’t fair to my new lady, is it?

— Feeling Guilty, central Manitoba

Dear Hoping: Unless you warned your new mate you would boomerang back to your ex if she ever wanted you, then no, it isn’t fair to her. But there’s a good chance your ex doesn’t want you romantically anymore. Plus, if she’s glad your relationship is over, she might be OK with the new situation.

Granted, it might feel a little weird at first when you start pulling up at her work to pick up her assistant. So, ease into that scenario by meeting your new girlfriend after work at her place, for a time.

If your ex came home for you, then you probably would have heard about it way before now. Some people just come back for the lifestyle they miss in the country, not for a particular person.

Also, if your ex has a new man in her life — and she just might — hit up the grapevine for news ASAP so you don’t waste any more time thinking about her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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