Coolness overrated when it comes to romance

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/03/2024 (887 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This slightly older woman I had a hot thing with in Vancouver last summer has moved to Winnipeg. (She’s 31 and I’m 26.) I found out yesterday when somebody delivered a bottle of my favourite liqueur to my house when I was sleeping.

She left it on my porch, gift-wrapped, and the card said, “Hello again — miss me, Sweetheart?” That’s the smart-ass way she likes to talk. I contacted a friend in Vancouver who told me that she moved here for work and is single.

Do you think she really wants me, or does she maybe just want somebody to use for sex? Then again, I have heard the expression,“The only thing worse than being used, is not being used.” But is that true?

Her first move with the gift of a bottle seems like she might be playing me. No doubt Winnipeg could be lonely and boring for her. I have her contact info, but I’m afraid if I hear her voice, I’ll sound like an eager boy toy again.

— Trying to be Cool, St. Vital

Dear Trying to be Cool: Don’t underestimate your own attractiveness. Call this woman and find out the name of her sweet game. There’s a chance she cares and went after this job assignment in Winnipeg partly to see you. Ask her about that if you dare — and wait patiently for her answer. But also be friendly, kind and honestly tell her you miss her and find her attractive, since it seems you really do. “Coolness” can be overrated in romance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got into a thick relationship with a man where we spent day and night together. What a mistake! Our friends got sick of asking us out and we narrowed our solo activities to nothing.

Now we’ve broken up over a lot of lies he told me, the cheating and, it turns out, a new girlfriend he adores.

I feel bankrupt when it comes to friends and things to do. I need to re-organize my whole life. I need to fill up my empty nights and weekends. I need your advice, please.

— Socially Bankrupt, River Heights

Dear Bankrupt: Here’s the trick: over-join for the next three months, and then filter down. It’s not that hard to do, and here are some good places to start.

Hit your nearest community centre and volunteer to help out with spring and summer events.

Secondly, get a few friends together and volunteer at a food bank or some other organization that interests you. Summer festivals such as the Winnipeg Folk Festival, jazz fest and fringe festival — to name a few — also need lots of volunteer help. If you enjoy singing, join a local folk or church choir. If you’re inclined to the spiritual, check out different places of worship until you find a place you like.

Do you miss friends from high school? If so, organize a class party or picnic day this summer with help from old school buddies.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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