Sly bid to horn back in shows ex hasn’t changed

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This article was published 06/03/2024 (939 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband — a salesman and professional nice guy — just got the boot from his latest affair. Now he’s trying to wriggle his way back into my life.

He’s suddenly started taking our children out more and hanging around longer at the door to chat with me. I won’t invite him into the house. It still hurts too much.

Recently, he’s started buying our girls little gifts for no reason and voluntarily shovelling snow off the sidewalk before he leaves. Last night as he was leaving, he honked his horn “toot-toot-toot!” which used to mean “I love you” when we were married. I felt tears coming, but managed to shake them off.

The kids also heard the horn, and remembered what it meant. My oldest girl said, “See, Mommy? Daddy still loves you. Why don’t you both say you’re sorry, and get back together?”

How can I explain that her father is a liar and a cheater and thinks of women as toys to be manipulated? I can’t stand what he does.

How should I handle this? I want the kids to have a peaceful, happy life and I want my ex to respect the boundaries I’ve set up with him. Unfortunately, he’s a guy who just keeps on deploying his adorable moves until he gets what he wants.

— Still Hurting Badly, Windsor Park

Dear Hurting Badly: Call your ex-husband out on his recent manipulations, particularly the horn messaging. Tell him to stop because it’s giving your kids false hope. Also let him know you will be looking for new man in the future who is a less-manipulative kind of guy. He may scoff at that, as he remembers he was once very much your type.

Tell him you will not be his pit stop between women and ask him never to repeat the “I love you” horn tooting again, as it plays on your children’s hopes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a gay man, happily living with the love of my life. I’d like to go on a cruise-ship holiday with him, but he’s shy to go. It’s not that he’s worried about other guys hitting on me, he’s worried about them hitting on him. And they probably will, as he’s gorgeous and a bit shy.

I went on several cruises before meeting him and I loved the experiences. I met some great people. But how can I ensure he’ll be comfortable on a cruise? He’s only travelled outside Canada once before, to New York.

— Dying to Travel Together, Winnipeg

Dear Dying to Travel: Pick a short cruise that won’t seem endless if your partner isn’t enjoying it as much as you are — no more than seven days. Your goal is for him to enjoy himself and to want to go back for a longer trip next time.

There are many trips available now and it can be overwhelming for newbies, so do the research yourself. Then pick a couple of favourites you think he would like. If your partner says yes to a certain trip, be ready to book it ASAP without fanfare. Then, relax. Don’t make the mistake of verbally re-selling this vacation over and over to your man or he will start to feel nervous. The idea is to make this whole experience smooth sailing. Bon voyage!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out walking for exercise at a park and ran into an old boyfriend. We started walking together and had a great time talking about old times and people we both knew. Then this woman pulled up, got out of her car, grabbed his arm and said, “I said I was coming to get you. Get in the car.”

I asked who she was and he said his wife. He apologized to me and jumped in the car with her. Why didn’t he tell me he was married — and to a shrew?

— High School Flame, Tuxedo

Dear High School Flame: He didn’t tell you because he was enjoying the feeling of seeing his old girlfriend again and didn’t want to ruin it. Or perhaps he was totally swept away by your conversation and forgot his wife was even coming to pick him up. Maybe it was a mix of both.

So, is his wife really a shrew? You don’t know that. Maybe he’s careless of her feelings and hurts her from time to time. At any rate, he hurt her the day he was walking with you and totally forgot about her coming.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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