Chalk party no-shows up to format, not lack of amity

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This article was published 12/03/2024 (610 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m so embarrassed and hurt. My husband planned a surprise party for my 60th birthday. He took me to a restaurant for dinner, and then home to what was supposed to be a house full of family and friends waiting to surprise and celebrate with me.

When we arrived back at our house, the look on his face was total shock. There were only a few close family members there. I was so happy to see what he had planned, and the family that came to celebrate, but he looked really sad the whole night.

The morning after the party I mentioned all the leftover food and told him he went overboard. He blurted out (he wasn’t able to stop himself) that he had invited a lot more people who confirmed they were coming, but only a handful showed up. I started to cry. Now I feel like I don’t matter to friends and family.

I feel like all the people I thought were my friends are really not. How do we move forward? What a crushing feeling this has been, to know friends and relations close to me didn’t care enough to show up.

— 60th Birthday a Flop, East Kildonan

Dear B-Day Flop: Your husband meant well with this birthday surprise, so don’t let this be a problem between you for very long. It should help to know the problem was the style of the party. Many older adults are turned off by the idea of having to let themselves into someone’s house, sit in the dark, then jump up and greet the birthday woman.

The bottom line is friends and family not showing that night doesn’t really mean they don’t care about you. It does mean they weren’t gutsy enough to tell your husband they weren’t coming ahead of time and why.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend moved in and brought a suitcase crammed full of unsexy pyjamas. He never wore them when we were dating. Believe me, sex with him was much hotter in those days.

He even brought some old-man striped flannel pyjamas for when it gets really cold, he said. Our apartment is modern and well-heated.

Then there’s his other collection of 12-year-old boy PJs with the tight cuffs, top and bottom. These are now his lounging clothes of choice. They’re a big turn-off and last week I told him so. He was embarrassed, got mad and then got even by getting mean.

He told me he finds my blonde, blue and pink hair dyes and tubes of makeup a big turn-off. Same for my hair brushes, which he said are full of pulled-out hair. He said he used to think I was naturally beautiful, before seeing all that. Ouch. Also, the sight of my menstrual products turns him off. Now what?

— Sex Down the Drain? St. James

Dear Sex Down the Drain: Couples all over the planet have dealt with the unattractive aspects of moving in with their lovers. It can be a shock. Luckily, the lounge-wear issue can be easily solved. Your boyfriend could choose a sexy silky robe (a gift from you?) and wear his comfy flannels when you’re not home.

Be realistic. If he starts sleeping in sexy underwear instead of PJs, he’ll still want a T-shirt to keep him warm above the blankets. Don’t criticize what he picks. And what are you wearing to bed, mademoiselle? Ask your guy what he would find attractive and try to please him from your side. That could mean some sexy shopping trips together.

Then here’s your shared bathroom problem. You can fix that with some organizers with lids. Boxes of hair bleach and feminine hygiene products can be hidden under the sink. A step-pedal garbage can in the bathroom is a super mess-saver.

Finally, you should both try hard to get off this whole “smarten-up-for-me” kick, as criticizing one another’s personal foibles can be a slippery slope.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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