Best to move on if you feel you’re being played

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This article was published 18/03/2024 (928 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend backed into my car and did some major damage. She told me to just get it fixed without going through MPI and she would make it up to me, wink-wink. So, I got my vehicle repaired and paid the almost $1,000 bill weeks ago. She has made no mention of paying me back.

When I finally pushed her on the issue, she just laughed. I didn’t laugh.

I don’t want any sex with her if I’m not getting any money to help pay for my car. I’m not a rich man at this point in my life, although my father is. My girlfriend seems to think my dad bankrolls my life. He doesn’t. I work for him part time and go to school full time.

Should I dump this girl, or fake being nice and try other ways to get the money out of her? I’m so turned off her right now.

— Gritting My Teeth, West Kildonan

Dear Gritting: Nothing kills desire faster than disgust and the feeling of being played. So, cut to the chase and ask your girlfriend for a series of payments, with the first one being half. Be prepared to bargain that amount down a little — but not too much.

If she laughs in your face or offers sex again in lieu of money it’s highly likely you aren’t going to be up for it, so share that fact with her. Then ask her how she proposes to pay you back. You might suggest her daddy helps her out with the bill.

The bottom line is you are going to break up sooner or later, and it looks like sooner. In the meantime, you might talk to a lawyer about this $1,000 debt, although that advice will cost you some money. Still, it might be the best cash you ever spent.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been a straight widowed woman for a number of years. Now I’m wondering if I’m not that straight.

Every weekend a group of us women — a few married with stay-at-home husbands and some other divorced and/or single ladies — go out and dance the night away. We hit different bars and other places around town.

One woman who joined us a couple of months ago always dances beside me and we have so much fun together. Several months later, I’m having strong feelings for her. Last night I had another erotic dream about her.

Is it possible at my age that I could be a lesbian? I’m so confused and starting to freak out a little over this.

— Wondering About My Feelings, Sage Creek

Dear Wondering: Having fun and feeling a friendship connection with another woman is one thing. Having sexual feelings is another arena altogether.

You can like another woman a lot, but if you’re not sexually attracted that’s just admiration and the relationship should stay in the friendship zone. However, if you’re also fantasizing about that person, and dreaming about her romantically and sexually, that could be a different thing.

You ask if it’s possible at your age that you could be a lesbian? It’s more likely you’re bi-curious, so be careful you don’t come on too strong with “innocent” flirting if that’s all it is.

Many straight woman have come on to bisexual or lesbian women — gotten close to having sex — and then backed out, realizing the sexual aspect was too much for them. It was really just curiosity, on their part. That can really hurt the lesbian or bisexual woman, who was sincerely attracted.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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