Emptying the nest could help you all get healthier

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This article was published 25/03/2024 (909 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Yesterday I overheard some jerk in a mall food court referring to my kids and I as the three little pigs. He and his buddies were laughing, but it hurt and was embarrassing.

My adult daughter and son are both over 250 pounds at this point. I am 210. We are all quite short — the family curse that just makes things worse. I see the looks people are giving my kids when we’re out in public. I guess we are the fat family. I can’t help but feel embarrassed of my own children. I know as their mother I shouldn’t feel this way, especially when I’m overweight too.

My kids have put on all this weight by sitting at home playing six to eight hours of video games after sitting at a computer all day at work. (They both still live with me at home.)

They order takeout almost daily and avoid eating healthy homemade meals. I end up eating their dinners rather than letting them go to waste and that’s probably why I’ve been gaining so much weight.

I’ve tried everything to help my kids to eat healthier, but then they refer to me as controlling or call me the “diet cop.” I do feel bad for the way I’m giving them the side eye and nagging them as they stuff themselves. I can’t help it. They used to be so good-looking when they were children.

What else can I do?

— Mother Pain, St. James

Dear Mother Pain: Now that your offspring are in their 20s, they need to leave home in order for them to finally grow up and find happiness. It’s time you helped your kids do that. That move will release the pressure on you and force them into the next phase — living independently.

So, sit them down and set a time for them to move out — give them a few months to find a place.

You mention your kids are both working, so they will be making enough money for a place to share. If they really don’t want to share digs, they could possibly move in with a friend and split rent, utilities and groceries.

They will have to be wiser with their money once they’re out of the nest. Be sure not to make the mistake of having an open-door policy. Tell them they need to call you first about coming over for visits. Grown-up love should also be about respecting boundaries.

You may not realize this, but setting a healthy example they can see — losing weight yourself, walking and building muscle — would give them proof people in your family can change.

Being overweight is not the family curse!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I broke up with my boyfriend last week. I thought it would kick his butt into high gear, but instead he just walked.

It felt like he wasn’t into me as much anymore, so I told him if he didn’t start doing more to please me, he would be on his own again. He told me he was sick to death of me saying that and then he shocked me. He got out of the bed, got dressed, picked up some of his stuff, and left.

I left him once before, but he took me back, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal-breaker if he took off mad. But he hasn’t come back or even phoned. How do I get him back? I love him. How can he just do that? I can’t believe it. I thought he loved me, and instead he just let me go.

Actually, he let us go because when we’re good, we’re the best.

— Shocked and Angry, Fort Richmond

Dear Shocked: Too much game-playing in the form of you threatening to walk out has caused what might be a permanent breakup. Breakups cause deep emotional and physical pain, so serious couples don’t just abandon ship when storms arise. You need to know that loving a partner does not give either of you licence to deal out pain by coming and going.

Before you do anything else, get some coaching with a relationship counsellor on an emergency basis, and talk over the important problems getting in the way of a true and lasting love relationship with this man.

If you really think those problems can be solved, ask your missing partner to go to counselling sessions with you to see if you can heal your rift and make a commitment that lasts.

Please send your questions and comments to

lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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