Your experience must factor into family plan

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/03/2024 (870 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I gave birth to the most beautiful little boy just over a year ago. He is the light of my life and I love him deeply. The pregnancy, however, was the worst experience I have ever gone through.

I was a high-risk pregnancy and sick the entire time. I felt miserable and the birth itself was the most traumatic experience I have known. I love my son, but I can’t go through that again.

My husband is unwilling to take any of this into account because we originally agreed to have three kids. My feelings have since changed, but he is insisting we have another child.

I can’t. I don’t want to lose him, but I just can’t do that.

— Once Was More Than Enough, St. Boniface

Dear Once Was Enough: Once you get past a tough pregnancy — high-risk, ill for months, a traumatic delivery — any sensible person wouldn’t be willing to do that again. I have no doubt your doctor would not recommend it, either.

It doesn’t make sense to put yourself through it and take a chance with your life. It also wouldn’t be good for the little one you already have, as it’s hard to be present when you are ailing and in pain. However, given some time, maybe you would consider adoption as an option.

Given the ego your husband has already displayed, you would be smart to get some counselling — first on your own and then with your partner. Even if the doctor says you could chance another one, if your body and mind are telling you no then you have to listen to your internal wisdom.

The point is you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of a child. This is not about using you and your body to build a dynasty for your husband.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend got back from a vacation and she seems like a different person. Before she left, we were having wild sex, staying up late and having an amazing time with each other. Then she went to visit one of her old high school friends (a woman) in California, and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

I can’t help but wonder if she hooked up with another guy while she was down there. It was like night and day when she got back.

What could have happened? She says nothing did and that she has just changed her mind. But in the space of two weeks? What is she not telling me?

— Hurt and Confused, Bridgwater

Dear Hurt and Confused: You and this girlfriend had a wild physical thing happening before she left on holiday, but it obviously didn’t involve her heart. She may be romancing a new California partner long-distance. You’re not likely going to be privy to that information.

It’s hard to get the truth out of people when you sense they have betrayed you, and that’s exactly the kind of person you don’t want to be with for any length of time.

So, the best thing you can do is bind your wounds and when you feel strong enough this spring look for a new mate here at home. Look for one with more depth, as well as a strong attraction to you.

It won’t be hard to do better than this fickle woman.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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