Seek help to exorcise nasty blast from the past

Opinion

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This article was published 02/04/2024 (558 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into an evil ghost from my past at a party last weekend and it shook me. He and I had a deeply sexual relationship almost five years ago and I had to have therapy to get over it. He had be totally in control of me.

Like, he once phoned and commanded me to show up at a fancy party wearing nothing but my coat and high-heels to prove that I loved him.

When I got there, he laughed in my face and told me he didn’t actually expect me to do that. He said I was nuts and was going to embarrass him. He took me outside, called a cab, gave me money and said, “Go home, baby girl.” I was 31. I felt like a call girl who’d been dismissed.

He stayed on at the party until forever and punished me with silence for a week. After half a year of his pulling me forward, then pushing me down, I was going crazy. He almost destroyed what little self-worth I had.

I’m much better now, but it made me sick to run into him again — and then literally run away from him. What should I have done?

— Humiliated and Embarrassed, southeast Winnipeg

Dear Humiliated: This incident showed you need a little more therapy so you can handle a confrontation with this nasty little man.

Call your therapist for a little more coaching and don’t feel bad about having to do it. Winnipeg is a small city, socially, and you may run into this guy again.

Next time, you’ll be completely prepared. Request to plan and practise a put-down scene with your counsellor, so you can have it ready in case you run into this guy again.

You’ll want to brush him off and leave him shrinking as you walk away with your head held high.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older sister went from a newly divorced woman in her late 40s to acting like a woman half her age by taking off on a crazy trip to the Caribbean with her friends. They came back, but my sister only stayed long enough to say hi and bye. She packed all her clothes, quit her job and rented out her condo for the next six months.

She has hardly even picked up the phone except to call us and yap about her new honey. She says he’s a great guy and he got her a job in a shop, which she loves.

How can we bring her to her senses? I never thought she could act so foolishly. What should we do?

— Worried Sick Sister, West End

Dear Worried Sister: A number of sun-loving people every year fall in love with their winter holiday destination. Sometimes people back in freezing Canada just have to go off on a tangent and explore further.

Yes, it can be a bit scary, but nothing can be gained by trying to browbeat your sibling. If you try to wreck her new love life, you might lose her for good.

Let your sister know you love her and want her safe and happy, and also that you will always be there at the other end of an email or a phone call if she needs anything — including a ticket home at any time, no questions asked.

If that’s not enough for you then you might have to go and check out the situation with a jaunt to the Caribbean. Show up with your mate or a friend for a week or two and see with your own eyes what kind of life Sis is leading.

It may be fine, and the man she adores may well be an above-board guy who is crazy about your sister. Then everybody can relax a little — but still keep in close touch in case things change.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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