Right to be hopping mad over Easter inequality

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This article was published 08/04/2024 (908 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was a heartbeat away from telling my ex-mother-in-law she could never see my young son again. My child came home on Easter morning from the sleepover at his grandma’s, sad and saying very little.

It turns out his cousins got stuffed animals and lots of treats, and my son was given one pathetic little egg and basically ignored all day.

This is not the first time he’s been treated like the outcast by his grandmother. When my boy was small, he didn’t notice so much that his cousins were always receiving more and better gifts from grandma at her parties, but now that me and his dad have split and he’s turning eight, it’s gotten worse — and in a big way again this weekend. I couldn’t hold back, and immediately got on the phone to give grandma an earful.

My ex-husband phoned me 10 minutes later and started yelling at me. He told me I stirred the pot and things are going to get ugly.

“That spoiled kid should just be grateful he’s still getting anything from my side of the family,” he said.

I brought up the fact we broke up because he cheated on me before he grunted and hung up. I’ve had it with him and his mean mother. I sadly feel I’ve let it go on too long without confronting her about the way she treats her youngest grandson. Did I do anything wrong by calling her out?

— Hurting For My Boy, North Kildonan

Dear Hurting: Not all grandmothers are created equal. This one apparently thinks she can get even with you for the breakup with her son by taking it out on your child knowing that will upset you.

Don’t let her play this game anymore. You have to stand up for your boy. Since Grandma doesn’t seem to like her grandchild, he can’t be left there again.

No doubt your son feels his grandmother’s coldness and mean treatment. He’ll probably be relieved to be able to skip the parties and visits at her house.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 25 and have a lot of tattoos. I recently met this new girl I really like and we have been on a few dates. She was asking me all about my tattoos and the history of them. I took off my shirt and showed her several, including one representing my ex-girlfriend.

That seemed to be a big mistake. She told me to cover it up or totally get rid of it if I want to go out with her.

I think she is being unreasonable. I don’t really want to get rid of it, as it’s a beautiful tattoo of a bear that was symbolic of my ex-girlfriend’s strength and spirituality. What do you think?

— Tagged, Transcona

Dear Tagged: Other people shouldn’t get to decide if your old tattoos stay or go, and they certainly don’t get to veto any new works of art. Just as you wouldn’t ask this girl to burn photos of friends, old loves, family and beloved pets, she doesn’t get to wipe out the important symbols of your life tattooed on your skin.

“Goodbye” would be the smartest thing to tell this new woman. Someone who starts dating a tattoo-loving person like you needs to see your ink as works of art and personal histories — not as personal threats to her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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