Find some other laughs and love may follow

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This article was published 09/04/2024 (871 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into a former lover in a long lineup at the car wash. Her beautiful old car was unmistakable. She honked and gave me a hand signal to come over. I did — couldn’t help it. She handed me a piece of paper and my heart jumped. I thought maybe she was free, but it had her same old address and cellphone number on it.

Last time we got together for a time, it was more than just sex. My heart got involved and it seems it always will be. When we laugh together, it’s such a connection — we have the same off-the-wall sense of humour. Nobody does it better for me!

I asked, like the fool I am, “Still married to that old guy?” She laughed and said, “In name only!” That old joke stung, but I still put her number in my wallet. I keep taking it out and looking at it. We said goodbye “for the last time” two years ago, after her husband got suspicious and threatened to finally throw her out.

She is admittedly lazy and the guy’s rich. She’s never needed a job. The only skills she has are her sense of humour and in the bedroom. That’s why he keeps her, I guess.

How can I get over her when I’ve tried before and it never works? When I see her and hear her voice, I’m just “done” for months. It’s like long COVID. Please help me.

— Fool for Her, Island lakes

Dear Fool: Some rare, charming people like this can dangle lovers at the end of a chain for a lifetime. The only thing that helps is physical distance or meeting someone else who has some of that same charm, but is actually free to get involved.

This woman chooses to be totally supported by a guy with money. She may love him but doesn’t admit it to her other lovers. What keeps you chained to her? Partly, it’s her sense of humour. People love that special gift in their lives and she knows how to provide it. It’s the combination of humour and a real person like this woman in bed, that gives you a double kick.

You really need to feed your needs from other sources. Try to get yourself out of starvation mode, where humour is concerned, by becoming a regular at comedy shows in a half-dozen venues around town. Also, the annual Winnipeg Comedy Festival happens April 30-May 5 at different venues in the city with standup, sketch and improvisational comedy.

You may still be thinking about this special funny lover in the back of your mind, but at least you won’t be jonesing for laughter at the same time. With any luck, at these events you’ll meet a different woman who’s much like you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married a guy in my early 20s and it didn’t last for him. He was immature and soon proved it. I was horrified when he cheated on me after only a year of marriage. I ran away, and I didn’t tell people I dated in my new city that I’d already been married.

Finally, I met the love of my life, and I remarried as I was sliding into 30. We had a great marriage and children. Unfortunately, he recently died. I can’t seem to catch a break in this life.

Now my daughter has a man from her work she wants to introduce me to, but I feel maybe I am love-cursed and should give up on it, altogether. I know that sounds pathetic, but that’s how I feel. Do I need a shrink?

— Can’t Win At Love, Fort Garry

Dear Can’t Win: Consider this: If love were all about winning and losing, you might say you very quickly “won one/lost one” with the young husband. Then you “won big/stayed up” for decades, and recently lost. You are definitely not love-cursed! But do see a psychologist and learn how to “digest” what has happened in your life so you can move on.

Then be brave! Take a chance on meeting this guy your daughter thinks you might like. She has made a study of you all her life, and has seen your happy marriage in action. She will know a thing or two about the dynamics that worked for her two parents.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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