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Opinion

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This article was published 13/04/2024 (547 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My first marriage went under the bridge and floated down the river. In the divorce, I bargained and got our big beautiful house. Then I advertised, and got two female housemates who didn’t know each other — great people, readers and musical like me. At first, it was fun, especially eating dinners together.

The problem? They’ve fallen for each other and now I’m the odd woman out. They’re acting like honeymooners, and now I feel really out of place.

I insisted they’d have to keep on paying their same personal rents, so I wasn’t out money. Their solution? They share a bedroom and made the other bedroom into their private living room with TV, dining table and mini-fridge. They only come into the kitchen to cook bigger meals a few times a week.

Now I feel awkward and alone again, in my own house. There is no need to kick them out — they are very nice people and I need their rent money. It just feels odd. I’m a real homebody — always here. I feel like things have shifted and I shouldn’t be in their space now.

How can I make this work? I have friends, but I don’t just drop in on folks. I usually have my nose in a book — I love all kinds— but that’s still lonely.

— Third Wheel in Own Home, Osborne Village

Dear Third Wheel: Homebodies aren’t necessarily loners. In fact, you just need to bring more people into your space. The solution? Bring small parties of fun and intelligent people to you. Consider starting a specialized book club or two with friends, relatives and neighbours, to meet regularly at your place around the big dining room table or in the living room for snacks and great discussions. Of course, you’ll charge a moderate fee for all this fun, to cover expenses.

Need ideas? Search online for 20 Unique Types of Book Clubs by Kelly Gallucci, to find theme ideas and fun combinations of books with “matching” food and drink. That way, you can make your home situation work and start enjoying it again, in great style.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m trying to juggle two girlfriends in a casual dating situation, which is all they say they’re up for. I’d rather have one great person to love, but sadly these two women who turn me on tend to love their careers most. How do I get out of this going-nowhere situation and find a wife and start a family?

The sex I get now is great, so I shouldn’t complain, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “making love,” which I only remember from my first girlfriend. Now it’s eight years past my love relationship with that wonderful woman, and I’m going nowhere.

I’m in my late 20s and I find I’m suddenly wanting a real love, and family. Two university degrees taught me lots about finance, but nothing about finding real love. Help!

— Going Nowhere Fast, North Kildonan

Dear Going Nowhere: You know the old saying, “Nature abhors a vacuum?” In your case, removing the sex buddies from your life will suddenly make room for brand-new women to enter your personal world. Plus, once you make this first courageous move, you can go out looking for special people.

Here’s a start for you: You’ll find good-hearted, giving people of all kinds in volunteer and charity work. Now’s the best time of the year! For instance, in spring and summer, all kinds of festivals need people with different kinds of skills — or just the willingness to lend a helping hand.

Join a group right away, and work your butt off for the good of these projects. People will see your best qualities, come to trust you and want to introduce you to other people. But be careful what you say. Don’t mention your history of settling for mostly physical relationships.

While volunteering with new folks, don’t be shy to say you’re looking for a great relationship, to build something special. You’ll be amazed at how quickly that can happen, after people get to know you and want to share their friends with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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