Ex needs to take sober second thought on inclusion

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This article was published 12/04/2024 (905 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-wife never invites me over for birthdays or tells me when the kids’ performing events are coming up, and that hurts everybody. I have four school-age children with my ex-wife.

I was a drinker and got myself kicked out of the house, but I have been sober eight years now and our kids love me a lot.

Their mother has a new guy and she thinks I’m OK now, but that’s it. She doesn’t trust my sobriety will last, even after all these years.

I want to be included in things such as school graduations, concerts and big games. The response when I’ve asked about going is that I should have thought about that sooner.

When will she let bygones be bygones? And how can I get this happening with my kids before I miss everything?

— Kids’ Sober Dad, St. James

Dear Sober Dad: Tell the kids you want to come to their concerts and games and to let you know ahead of time when these events are happening, so you can get tickets if needed. Then dress up and show up, and do your kids proud.

Warning: don’t try to stand near their mother — that’s going too far. Instead, bring a family member, and sit somewhere away from your ex, a few rows back or in a different section. The first time will probably be a little awkward, but ignore that.

Take lots of photos and videos to look at later, especially when you’re really missing your kids. If your ex-wife complains about your presence, just say, “That old war is over. I’m coming to support the kids now.” Then smile and raise your eyebrows a little to show you’re serious and determined.

You can bet the kids will be delighted to see their father at their special events, and that’s what matters most.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is a holy terror when she gets mad. I never saw this coming from her when we began dating — not until we moved in together. I can’t say no to this woman, as I’ve never had hot sex like this in my life.

Unfortunately, it turns out she also has a temper. I’ve never seen anyone blow sky-high like this before, as I come from a sensible family.

After she calms down, she’ll try to make it up to me by giving me the best sex I’ve ever had. That’s kept me hanging around, way past our best-before date. Last weekend in an unguarded moment, she hit me with this: “I want to have your babies.”

I said to her the first thing that came into my head: “Your temper is too bad. I couldn’t trust you alone around my children.”

Within 10 seconds she threw a glass vase at me and started packing her clothes.

There’s no talking things out with her now. She’s already moved in with a girlfriend.

Should I try to get her back and get us into counselling? I don’t know if I actually love her, but I know I’m sure missing the wonderful sexy times before the big blowup.

— Lost and Lonely, East Kildonan

Dear Lost and Lonely: Calm down and try to talk yourself out of getting back together with this human volcano. When push comes to shove, she’ll do what comes naturally — blow sky-high. You don’t need tantrums and glass objects sailing towards your head. Do you really want a lifetime of that just to have good sex?

There are many other lively, sexual women in this world. So, relax and talk yourself into looking for a tempting personality package like this: an emotionally healthy woman with a great sex drive, a lively mind and a big capacity to love. Sound good? Give it a chance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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