Passivity over hubby’s flirtation signals the end

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/02/2024 (936 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I came back from our Mexican beach holiday as silent enemies. We agreed to be a last minute add-on couple with a group we barely knew, because we were desperate to get out of the city. And to be honest, we’ve been pretty bored with each other the last year.

From Day 1 at the beach, this young woman in the group made plays for my husband, saying things with lots of double meanings. He’d respond with teasing remarks and then everybody would laugh. It was obvious she was hot for him, and he was flirting with her — and totally ignoring me.

It didn’t help that there was so much drinking going on, and I don’t drink. My husband was drunk every day by 3 p.m., then passed out for a late afternoon nap before getting up and drinking at happy hour with the group and partying until 2 a.m. I’d have dinner with the group and be asleep all alone at 9 p.m.

Did my husband use those nights to have sex with this other woman? He says, “I may have thought about it, but I never touched her.” Miss L., I don’t think I want to go through my whole life with him. Worse, I don’t think I want to have children with a hard drinker either. I’m already close to 30, and that scares me.

— Miserable Travel Experience, Winnipeg

Dear Miserable: Most people don’t lie down and take it when somebody is trying to hustle their mate, but you admitted right off the hop you and your husband have been “pretty bored” with each other during the last year. You also know you don’t want a drinking daddy. Starting a family with a man you don’t trust and respect is definitely a bad idea — both for you and any future children. Could it be both of you are ready to end your marriage? Why not just let it go now? At 30, you still have time to meet someone new who suits you, and start that family. Just don’t waste too much more time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Now that I’ve lost my job my wife has taken on two jobs to support our family. So far, I’ve only been able to find computer work from home, which means I’m now the at-home caregiver for our children.

I love the kids, but I hate the situation. The kids can sense it and often cry out, “You don’t know how to do this! I want Mommy to come home.”

I want her to come back home, too, at least for half days, but she can’t. Between the two of us working like this, we just make enough money, but the wrong person is with the kids when they come home from school. I’m often in the middle of a project with deadlines, and my temper can be short. What can we do?

— Out of Balance, Fort Garry

Dear Out of Balance: Some parents in your situation hire a teenage helper to help out when the kids come home after school. The advantages? Teens are finished with their day at school, and not usually facing serious deadlines like you are, so will be more patient and fun.

How does it work? First, the helper will need nutritious food to put out for the kids’ snacks. Then it could be outdoors for games in the yard or a nearby playground for fresh air, or the helper could supervise board games, cards or computer time indoors.

Dinners for the week could be prepared by you and your wife on weekends, and then will be ready to go in the oven each weeknight. When your wife gets home from work, you two can get dinner on the table, and enjoy it with the kids.

If you don’t know of any likely candidates for young helpers, get in touch with the closest high school counselling office or community centre. Be sure to get recommendations, as you can’t be too careful with your kids.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography