You can find harmony with nocturnal crooner

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I are very happy, except for the fact he sings in his sleep. It drives me crazy. He’s a musician and it’s like he’s practising for a gig, while he’s asleep. They call it being a sleep-singer and he’s been doing it for years.

It drove his ex completely nuts, although she didn’t have far to go. I’ve recently started sleeping with the dog in our guest bedroom with soundproofing, so I can actually get some unbroken rest. Meanwhile my husband stays upstairs in our bed alone, and is not happy. He says he wants me back in bed with him and promised not to sing in his sleep.

He’s tried and tried, but he can’t keep the promise. What can we do?

— Sleep-Singer’s Mate, Windsor Park

Dear Sleep-Singer’s Mate: The brain doesn’t need permission to practise singing while a person continues sleeping. That’s definitely annoying for partners like you. People who live with a sleep-singing spouse and still want to go to bed with their partners and express their affection, often make love — and then hastily depart to another room. Hopefully, they might return for cuddles in the morning. It doesn’t have to be a problem if you can see it with an open mind — just a difference from other couples and handled with understanding.

Your man could also consider consulting a therapist or psychologist to work on strategies that may help guide his subconscious away from sleep-singing. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m bisexual and want to experiment with coming out on the weekends with my friends who are already out and happy about it. There are private parties for those who might be interested in meeting other newly out people, and I want to finally go, too.

I’m not a guy for one-night stands, bars or nightclubs, but I’m scared to go alone to these parties, thereby announcing I’m “out” to the world as a bisexual man. I’m worried sick about gossip. Please help.

— New on This Scene, Winnipeg

Dear New: It’s likely most everybody at these private parties feared gossip before they walked in the door. But if you go with a friend or two who are familiar with people in the group, it could actually be fun once you relax. (Just don’t start over-drinking to combat the nerves.) If you don’t feel comfortable, even after going to the party with your friends, you can always call a ride and go home.

Warn your friends it could happen right at the beginning too, but you won’t shorten their evening. Be gracious.

Leaving quickly the first time or two doesn’t mean you’ll never go back, so tell your friends that ahead of time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I really love my new boyfriend, who still lives with his mom. She had him young and refused to give him up. He took me to meet her a few weeks ago, so now she can finally put a face to the girlfriend on the phone.

He stays with me on the weekends — and she frets and calls him too much, annoying him.

I’m living in limbo as the new girl because she hasn’t delivered her impressions of me to her “boy” yet. I care because I love him so much.

— Unpopular Girlfriend? St. Boniface

Dear Unpopular Girlfriend: This doesn’t have to be a tug-of- war. If you want to be popular with his mom start popping over with your guy, bringing special coffees and baked treats — your idea.

Then, take his mother with you to some afternoon events on weekends — just phone her up and go do something together. There are a lot of fun things happening in Winnipeg, so make lists to choose from and then ask her what interests her most.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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