Sober pledge could realize romantic reverie

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/02/2024 (947 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This week I got a call from an old married boyfriend from his business, asking me to meet him. We used to work together — until I couldn’t take it anymore and got a job elsewhere. He fancies himself a romantic and sometimes sends me messages with romantic and sexy things he imagines about me — even though I’m gone.

It was late afternoon when he called, and he was already drinking from the hidden bar in his office closet. I said I didn’t want to discuss anything with him. That he said, “No, you don’t understand. I’ve finally left my wife, and we can be together now. You’re the one I love!” I responded, “No, you love the bottle more,” and he quietly hung up.

Oddly, I’m having second thoughts now. I’m in the right, but now I have no one who loves me — and even sort of worships me. Did I make a mistake? I could finally have all of him, and maybe he’d quit drinking for good, to be with me!

He’s finally set himself free from his nagging wife, and that’s big. I realize I have never quit loving him. Am I the fool here? I may still love him.

— Lost My Forever Valentine? St. James

Dear Lost: There are a lot of fools involved in the game of love, so don’t be too embarrassed. You might decide you want to call this man and tell him that if he manages to quit drinking and stay sober for the long run, he can call you back. Encourage him to join a program like Alcoholics Anonymous instead of trying to go it alone.

Before you do anything at all, contact Al-Anon (al-anon.org) to talk over these issues. It’s a support group for people who have been affected by a loved one’s drinking — and that describes you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young married man, and I feel awkward around Valentine’s Day, not knowing what to do. Giving my wife a gift when I wake up will make her think I want sex before I run off to work. OK, I do want it, because I’m a “morning man,” but she’s definitely not a morning woman!

I do get a lunch break, but meeting my wife for lunch seems like a cheapskate’s way to have a romantic date. That just leaves dinner. I know some fancy restaurants, but they cost a lot of money, and it’s just six or seven weeks after Christmas. So, what’s left that’s inexpensive and would be pleasing to my beautiful wife?

— Young, Not-So-Rich Husband, West Kildonan

Dear Not-So-Rich: Order dinner you know your beloved would enjoy from an interesting neighbourhood restaurant that’s totally new to her.

Combine the dinner gift with one beautiful long-stemmed rose and a card. Dream up a sweet little poem to write in it — just four lines would do. These ideas won’t break the bank, but will still show your thoughtfulness and passionate love for your wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What can you give to friends on Valentine’s Day? I know a lot of people at the college where I work who don’t have a steady girlfriend or boyfriend, and find Valentine’s Day a bummer. What can I do to brighten things up?

— Office Elf, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Office Elf: A big bowl of small packaged candies and chocolate treats are good to put out. Include some sugarless ones, as well. If you have a close-knit office, you could put them out in full view on everybody’s desks and work stations, so there’s no one mistakenly thinking they have a secret admirer in the office. Then it’s all in good fun, and everybody can feel part of things on the special day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography