Put some heart into it and be a creative cupid

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This article was published 12/02/2024 (899 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I — she’s 19 and I’m 20 — are creative types. She told me she doesn’t want to go on a regular dinner-and-a-movie date on Valentine’s night.

Frankly, I’d rather give her some roses and take her straight to bed, but I know that’s not a classy suggestion. Then I thought of setting off some fireworks in the field behind us, but she said, “No way! It’ll upset the neighbourhood cats and dogs.”

I can’t seem to win. Got any ideas for us? She’s very special, and we are each other’s first everything.

— Totally in Love, Charleswood

Dear Totally in Love: If it’s a clear night, and you have access to a telescope you could set it up outside, and do some star-gazing. You could shop for a beginner telescope that’ll work well enough, for not a lot of money. But if you don’t want to gamble on the skies being clear on Feb. 14, party stores sell mirrored disco balls and revolving coloured lights that swirl around a room for dancing.

You could make fancy drinks and snacks, dance to great music, and take lots of fun photos for a memorable and creative Valentine’s night. Lovers are smart to go all-out creating special nights together they will always remember.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My single career-and-sports life was going along just fine, until this old high school girlfriend showed up on my Facebook — a pretty woman, now 29, wanting to reconnect with me. I met her for drinks out of curiosity and it was fun, but she neglected to mention an important fact — that she had two kids by some guy back in college. Oddly, her mother is raising them.

An old school friend tipped me off about the kids, after I told him I’d had a date with her. It felt weird and upsetting to hear it. The thing is, we had another dinner date set up for Valentine’s Day. That was her idea.

Yesterday, I phoned her and begged off, because of the hidden kids issue. I really love kids, so hiding the existence of her children is a real warning sign for me — a guy who wants a family. Even bigger is the fact her mom is bringing them up. What else has she hidden? I asked her that. She defended herself by saying, “It was just one little fib. I didn’t want to scare you away!”

I’ll tell you what scares me away — the seriousness of her dishonesty. Why wouldn’t she be proud of having two children? What kind of person is she that her mom raises her kids? She just phoned again today and I asked her to please leave me alone. She got angry and said I was being too hard on her. Am I?

— Bad Feeling, East Kildonan

Dear Bad Feeling: The reason you’re feeling bad now is this woman is making you feel like a mean guy for cancelling further contact over the hidden child issue.

She defended her behaviour, but that amounted to a lie in your eyes and it backfired.

In fact, you’ve cancelled the Valentine’s date because you felt upset by the hidden-kids situation and now you don’t know what she is really about.

You might want to ask her for further detail (perhaps she is struggling and can’t raise the kids on her own) or you might want to leave this whole thing alone. After all, you did break up years ago as you weren’t a match then, and that may still be the case now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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