Time for truth over feelings of disconnection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/02/2024 (939 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband has made a lot of money in a short period of time, but it isn’t making me happy. I’m going on a trip soon — back to see my family in the old country. Back home, we know all our neighbours and help each other out — digging and planting gardens, building houses, things like that.

I have no feeling of a community in Winnipeg. In this city, we lock fancy cars in garages and leave nothing in the driveway that could get stolen. Our backyards all have too-high fences

The worst thing? Our neighbours don’t even appear on our street, unless they’re just starting a run. I don’t even know my neighbours’ names!

My husband found me crying the other night, and when he asked me what I could possibly be sobbing about, I told him, “I hate it here! I feel lost. We don’t even have kids.” He threw up his hands and said, “What? Are you kidding me? I give up,” and slammed out the door.

He was gone for the night and now he’s back, but too quiet and sleeping in another room. What can I do?

— Stuck and Suffering, Fort Richmond

Dear Stuck: You owe it to your husband to tell him exactly how you feel. It’s one thing to be unhappy and go back to visit your homeland, but it’s another to take off and maybe not come back at all.

If you don’t see any hope of change here, that may be what you want to do, but it’s more complicated than that. Before you go anywhere, see a lawyer here for advice, about different scenarios that could play out in the near future, and be prepared.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend quotes a new work boss endlessly — Robert. I am not a Robert, and I don’t know any Roberts. Then yesterday we were having lunch together, and this guy walked close by with a woman on his arm, and my girlfriend says, all flirty, ”Oh, hi Robert!”

He gave her a strange look and kept right on walking with his woman. Do you think that was the Robert? Is something going on with my girlfriend? He didn’t speak to her, but I felt something strange.

— Just Thinking, St. James

Dear Just Thinking: This could be the quotable Robert, alright. Why not ask your lady, “Did I finally see the Robert you keep mentioning, when we were at the mall?” Then watch her face as she answers. You might as well ask her how she feels about him, while you’re at it. If this was the same guy, it doesn’t seem like Robert returns her admiration, or maybe he’s just afraid of getting caught by his wife!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was wondering if my libido is normal. I only want women when they’re possibly available — and my body reacts quite predictably then. But, as far as I can remember, like back in my teens, I was never much bothered when girls were not giving out positive signals that they were interested in sex. Is this normal, or do I have a low libido for a guy? I’m 31.

— Cool Reactor? Fort Rouge

Dear Cool Reactor: Perhaps you don’t remember all the details from 15 years ago or more. Most guys in their teens generally don’t have anywhere near the control over their sexual reactivity as they do in their 30s. It can be embarrassing, so lucky you, if you were blessed with control.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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