Shift Romeo’s showy vows to more intimate venue

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This article was published 09/02/2024 (933 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a big Valentine’s Day problem. He says he’s driving in from Ontario on Feb. 14 with the intention of bringing me a very special gift. I’m afraid it’s an engagement ring, and he’ll bring it to me at the school where I teach. He’s delivered flowers to me there before, which can be exciting, but embarrassing.

He loved doing it though, since he is a bit of a grand-stander. The last thing I need is my students catching me with him down on one knee, offering me a diamond ring. I’ve told him I’m not ready for marriage and certainly not to a wild man like him.

He just laughed and said it was because I hadn’t seen the ring he would buy me.

It would be just like him to use a semi-public setting to pressure me on Valentine’s Day. He’s the type of guy who isn’t scared of taking a chance — win or lose. He already knows I don’t want to get married until I’m 30 and have travelled and experienced the world. It doesn’t bother him, though. He doesn’t even listen.

On the phone last night, he told me he would treat me like a queen all my life. I don’t doubt it. His dad is like that — larger than life and super-generous with his mom. She said to me a few months ago that her husband could be a pain, but she is never bored. Well, good for her, but I’m too young to get tied down at this point.

Having said that, I don’t know if I’ll never find anyone like this guy again. What should I do? If he proposes and I refuse, he’ll be able to find somebody else easily, and I might be sorry.

— Love Him or Leave Him? southwest Winnipeg

Dear Love Him or Leave Him: You can get tough and get rid of a guy like this — if you want to. But do you really? At the moment, you’re in love with the idea of adventure in your 20s. If exploring the world is what you want, this man would probably be happy to join you on adventure holidays once you were married.

But, if part of your travel dream is to be free to meet people and have romances, say goodbye to this guy now. He’s not the type to wait patiently for you to have lovers in other countries, and then come back to him.

Here’s one other important consideration: are you adventurous enough for him and the kind of life he envisions? Have you ever talked about his future aspirations and desired lifestyle?

Also, consider talking to his mother about how her own marriage works to an extroverted, high-energy man, and get a sense of the good and the bad aspects.

No matter what happens, you must call your Romeo ASAP, and make a formal date for Valentine’s Day — a dinner and a romantic evening. If you don’t and he shows up at school to propose, and you refuse his hand in front of a bunch of innocent young witnesses, it will be a big disaster for everyone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband always gives me something romantic for Valentine’s Day and I give him nothing but my thanks. That’s how it always was in my home. My dad would give my mother some red roses and a card on Feb 14.

Last year my husband asked me why I never felt like giving him anything. I was dumbfounded. Why would I do that? My mother never did that, and it was fine. At least, I thought so. Maybe it wasn’t.

I gave my husband some clumsy excuses, and vowed do it differently this Valentine’s Day. But now it’s just days away and I still don’t know what to give him. Please give me some suggestions for my first go-round.

— No Experience. North Kildonan

Dear No Experience: Men like cool presents — not roses or other flowers, particularly. Valentine’s gift ideas for your man might be a bracelet with an engraving on the back, two tickets to a concert he would like, a cool accessory for his vehicle, an indoor-outdoor spa date for two or a special bottle of a wine or liquor he loves.

If you’re good with words (and even if you’re not), write a special little poem for him on the accompanying card — even one verse would be a sweet touch.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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