Bully’s reappearance demands drastic move

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This article was published 08/03/2025 (611 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new wife is freaked out after recognizing the woman who lives next door to the house we just bought. Our neighbour, as it turns out, was the ringleader of the bullies who tormented my wife in junior high.

My poor woman cried and was restless all last night — she hardly slept at all. This morning she announced she needs to live somewhere else in the city.

The bullying was so traumatizing back then she couldn’t eat and hardly slept. She was terrified to walk alone to and from school and had to be driven all the time. She finally moved to her aunt and uncle’s house across the city, saw a psychologist weekly, gained her normal weight back and got through high school. She said she finally felt normal.

It will be highly embarrassing — and probably costly — to put the house up for sale before we even settle in. It will look like we discovered the house has serious problems and it may be very hard to re-sell. My wife says she is not blaming me, but insists she’ll have to move with or without me.

It was actually her idea to buy this house in her old neighbourhood with big yards and trees. She thought she was past the bullying trauma, but we foolishly didn’t check out who our close neighbours would be. What should we do? I suggested we just put up a tall hedge to block the neighbour out, but my wife screamed at me.

— Upset Husband, West Kildonan

Dear Upset Husband: Forget a hedge with this troll living on the other side. Even if the hedge were 20 feet high, your wife wouldn’t feel safe from the bully who ruined a big chunk of her life.

She’d be scared of being overheard talking in the backyard, and also afraid to walk to your garage or even past this woman’s house.

In your marriage vows, you pledged to your wife your deepest love and absolute loyalty. Well, now you’re getting a chance to make good on those vows, even if you find it embarrassing.

Although it’s unusual to buy a house and then quickly put it back on the market, your marriage and future depend on your residence being safe, stable and tranquil for both of you.

Before you commit to another house, make sure to stay far away from her old neighbourhood, and also get a sense of your prospective neighbours by knocking on doors and chatting with them, accompanied by your wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I generally play on my computer for 10-finger exercise — the only other exercise I really like is sex.

However, my doctor told me this week I have to seriously lose weight as I’m pre-diabetic and I also need to get lots more exercise.

Yes, I’m overweight, but my new husband is also a big guy. He likes women with curves.

He’s also a foodie and loves to eat everything, but now we’re both in trouble over that. I know I’m the one who’s pre-diabetic, but my chubby husband is so overweight he’s on a fast track to serious troubles with his heart.

What can we do together to get healthier and drop some pounds?

— Need a Plan, East Kildonan

Dear Need a Plan: Exercise is very important, especially if you’re mostly sedentary at your jobs. (As a motivator, know that getting active is also good for the sex drive.)

While going outside on walks together is a great way to start, you could also look into fun joint activities such as dance lessons that could really get you moving. If you’re both a bit sporty, look into some recreational team activities to take part in.

You mention your husband is a foodie, so why not put your heads together and find some interesting healthier recipes you could prepare and enjoy as a couple. There’s plenty of wholesome — and tasty — cuisine out there if you have a bit of skill in the kitchen.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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