Follow wife’s lead on livening things up

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/12/2024 (631 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is turning back into a beauty, but obviously not for my enjoyment! She’s lost weight, gone super-athletic and is part of a mixed running group — with way more guys than women. They run four times a week and go out for chats, coffees and sometimes drinks, afterwards. That’s way too chummy, if you ask me!

On top of that, my wife just had the grey dyed out of her hair, and is a sexy redhead again! She’s not doing that for me, I can tell you that. She’s hardly around home anymore, and we haven’t had sex in two long months — her disinterest, not mine.

On days she’s not running, she’s often playing tennis or curling with her special new friends. So, the other day I approached her, just as she was putting on her walking boots, and said, “What’s going on with us?” and she said, “Nothing!” and literally ran out the door.

I think I still love her — at least the “old her” that I married. I don’t want a divorce yet, although this isn’t much of a relationship anymore.

I miss us — the fun-loving couple who were the envy of all our friends. I’m afraid to ask any questions about our relationship for fear she’ll say, “So glad you brought it up, because I’ve had enough of you!”

— Nervous and Sad, Charleswood

Dear Nervous: There’s a good chance your wife still loves the “old you,” but “the present you” has become boring, outdated and distant for her. It happens to lots of couples, and to many who used to be very close.

So, why not take a deep breath and say to her, “I’ve loved you for a long time, and I’d like us to be close again. I’d like to get back to doing fun things together as a couple.”

She might tell you straight up she had lost hope for that, and is extremely happy to hear your words. However, maybe she’s having so much fun, she won’t be happy to hear you complaining.

Suggest some new activities for the two of you, like taking dance lessons, and going out for more dinners and date-nights. There are also sporting events, movies, plays and musical shows to enjoy with other couples and friends, as well.

You also need some help with the emotional part of reviving your love. See a relationship counsellor, but first go on your own so you can express your feelings about your present empty feeling of the relationship. Then, invite your wife to join you for some sessions, to work on reviving the great relationship you two had in the beginning.

By the way, your physical looks also count in a long-term sensual relationship. Your wife has already addressed that aspect and may have hoped you’d respond to her changes with interest and compliments — particularly on her new red hair!

Why not follow her lead with a new haircut and clothes, too? It’s all part of the loving and sensual couple’s experience.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a sexy-looking man at the bar and he seemed fine, until I suggested we go elsewhere and get to know each other better. I meant a restaurant!

He quickly grabbed my coat and then said oddly, “You should know I’m allergic to pets!“ Why would that matter? Suddenly, I realized he thought “getting to know each other” was code for “going to my place immediately and having sex.”

Of all the nerve! I’d just met the guy. I went dead quiet. Then, he said his house would be fine for both of us, as if it were a given that we had to go somewhere for sex, immediately. I said, “No way!” Then his face changed and really shocked me. He got ugly and pushed me out the door and onto the street!

I yelled, “You must be dreaming, mister!” Then he laughed a creepy laugh, and said, “I’m a positive thinker!” There was something edgy and very scary about him.

I saw a cab by the curb, so I jumped in and got out of there. Was I being smart, or was I just being paranoid?

— Not Taking Chances, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Not Taking Chances: Always trust your feelings. This man was acting as if he expected sex with you was going to be part of his evening — one way or another. You were smart to obey your instincts. A man who’s a hustler and won’t take no for an answer, can turn out to be a very scary problem indeed.

If you ever run into this man again, move closer to friends, tell them what’s up and have them escort you to a cab, so you can leave quickly and safely.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography