No need to resent partner’s newfound talent

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This article was published 13/12/2024 (609 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wanted a “picture book Christmas,” and I’m certainly artistic enough to make it happen for loved ones. So, I warned my girlfriend — we’re a longtime lesbian couple — that I’d be doing a lot of winter outdoor photography. I joked she could come along and carry the camera equipment. She harrumphed at that idea.

In fact, she took a week off her office job and created a slim book of her own photos, and one beautiful big blow-up piece of wall art. Amazing work! But, I don’t know how I feel now, but I’m kind of jealous. She blew me out of the water with the big art piece.

I’m happy for her blossoming talent, but give me a break already! I was going to give her a big photo for Christmas, and now I’m thinking, what for? She’s the expert now.

— Yes, I’m Sulking, St. Boniface

Dear Sulking: Book lovers can give each other books for gifts, and both be delighted. Likewise, photographers should be able to give each other photo art, and be delighted, too.

You’ve both ended up enjoying your recent photo art adventures. So, could you not see yourselves as an intimate photo art club-for-two, and consider sharing trips further abroad, to capture exotic images together?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-boyfriend is coming back to Winnipeg from Fredericton in January to see his parents, and there’s going to be a big wedding that week. It’ll be two old friends from our high school and college, getting married. Ho hum!

But then they’re going off to work in another country together, kind of like missionary workers. I suddenly feel depressed with myself. I’m not doing anything to help the world — I’m totally selfish in that way.

I look around and I don’t see anything that particularly turns me on to do, to change things. What’s wrong with me?

— Stuck, Winnipeg

Dear Stuck: You’re not feeling big enough and tough enough at this point to take on difficult situations and help others out.

To be successful at difficult work in poverty-stricken and/or war-torn countries, you need to be at the top of your own game, with lots of energy and practical skills.

You also need perseverance — to be able to go after problems and solve them, in situations where the present “powers that be” cannot or will not, help.

Since you’re not in the right state of mind to do this kind of work, you could still find ways to donate generously to the causes your old friends are going to try to help. That will please them!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 14. Somebody has been sleeping in my bed every evening, and it freaks me out! The bed is always mussed when I come home from hanging out with friends or my boyfriend and start to crawl in.

Finally, I found out from my mom that my little sister was sneaking in there to smell my covers, and slip under them. It freaked me out! Mom told me she often has to carry my little sister back to her own bed, deeply sleeping, and smelling of my perfume. She thinks it’s sweet my sister idolizes me.

What can I do about this creepy situation?

— Disgusted Big Sister, Fort Garry

Dear Disgusted: Don’t shame this little girl! She adores you — her big sister — and your pretty scents. It’s so much nicer than the smell of old laundry soap and dryer sheets!

So, why not show her what you use? You might even buy her a combo of samples, which would delight her, for Christmas, or ask your mom to do the same.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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