Don’t halt hubby’s humour, but lighten your laugh load

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This article was published 09/12/2024 (636 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a natural clown. We met as teenagers and he was always in trouble for telling jokes and playing practical jokes. Unlike most girls, I loved him for it.

Believe me, I didn’t know what was going to pop out of my own engagement-ring box, but luckily it was a real diamond, and not a joke! At home, after we got married, my sweet man was always trying out new jokes on me (he’s performed the odd time at open-mic standup events), and I would be honest in my responses.

Then last summer I got so tired of the constant joking that he lost me as his daily audience. I still loved him dearly, but I didn’t realize telling him I didn’t want to be his test audience any more would drive a wedge between us.

He’s quickly found himself a small group of female friends online who love to listen to his new material. I’m feeling very jealous now and I want them gone! He just says, “You got tired of my constant joking, and I need a test audience.” I don’t trust those women, and I don’t now what to do.

— Not Laughing Now, Osborne Village

Dear Not Laughing: The mistake was totally cutting him off as his joke “editor.” He really seems to depend on your approval. What about telling him you were going through a low period and didn’t think you’d be a good audience, but now you’d enjoy hearing some of his new material again — but maybe not every single day.

He’ll be cautious at first, but it will be a big relief to him to hear you laugh again and make a few suggestions to improve his material. He really seems to need that to feel more confident with an audience.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went Christmas shopping for my nephews and nieces and wasn’t watching where I was going. I accidentally banged into a familiar-looking young woman’s shopping cart, with a toddler standing up in it. He fell down hard on his behind — and started wailing his head off! His Mom pulled him out of the cart, and into her arms.

Then she got up in my face, and yelled, “Watch where you’re going! That’s my son you knocked over.” By that time, I had pulled my tuque off and she could see who I was. I got a better look at the baby I’d upset, too — and his bright-orange shock of hair, exactly like mine. He looked like a “Mini-Me” with his green eyes and wide mouth, also like mine.

I couldn’t stop staring. Then it dawned on me — I had dated this very woman a few times.

“You never told me you got pregnant,” was all I could blurt out. She said, “You were a big party boy, so what was the point?” Big silence. Then I said, a bit too loudly, “Why weren’t you on birth control?” and she said, “I didn’t have a steady boyfriend, and the pill makes me sick.”

“So, now I have a son?” I asked. She confirmed he was mine, but she certainly wasn’t asking me if I wanted any part in raising him.

I loved him instantly! He stood boldly and looked at me with those big green eyes, just like mine. I wanted to lift him out of that cart and hug him. She said, “Don’t go getting any ideas about sharing my child,” then headed for the checkout.

I stupidly followed her, trying to be friendly to both of them. She finally said, “Look, I know you’re a nice guy, but go home.”

Miss L., That little boy is all I can think of now! I always wanted kids of my own one day. I am the favourite uncle to my sister’s kids and look after them regularly. I just didn’t fancy settling down and having a kid so soon, but I want to be a dad to that little boy. What do you suggest?

— Ready for Fatherhood, South Winnipeg

Dear Ready: Your best bet is to try to make friends with this woman. You may not have much in the way of rights, but you do seem to have genuine feelings for the little guy, and want to see him grow up and be happy.

You’ll have to move very slowly. Show her the best version of you — the warm, kind, generous, child-loving side that enchants your sister’s kids. See if you can build a friendship with this ex so you can be a “friend dad“ to the little boy.

Also, go see your lawyer about the situation and inquire about trying to help the mom financially. She may say “nothing doing,” but she might welcome support money for her boy, especially if things are tight as a single mom. At the very least, you could ask to set up regular visits with the little guy, and create a generous education fund for him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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