Some introspection can help break strife-sex cycle

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know why my girlfriend won’t see me face-to-face anymore. It’s because we can’t help but be sexual — both her weakness and mine — and we never end up working out the problems between us.

Even after we can’t agree on anything at all and have had a big fight, it’s ended up with great sex. That’s how we are. (We are both women, by the way.)

Last week it seemed to really fall apart. She told me she’d had enough of my nonsense and has moved out to her cabin on Lake Winnipeg for the rest of the summer.

She says she’s working remotely. Do I even believe that? I really need to see her and look into her eyes, to find out.

She’s not even picking up her phone regularly. I asked her if I could visit, so we could finish talking things over, and she said no because it was too soon. I was shocked.

This relationship is just wearing me out, but I can’t seem to move on. When things are good, we have the hottest physical connection, but we still fight too much.

— Sick of Fighting, Wolseley

Dear Sick of Fighting: This fighting dynamic is burning your relationship out. Your mate is telling you in every way she can that she’s had enough.

It’s time to use a different tactic — accept that you do need to keep your distance and consider seeing a relationship counsellor or a psychologist for a few visits. Your mate will be curious to know what’s being discussed.

Let her do most of the phoning or messaging to you until she comes back to the city. Let her have time to miss you and think about what’s going on. Be a little mysterious.

It can be lonely at the lake, especially in August when people are heading home to get kids ready for school, so give yourself time to get your head straightened out and see if you still want her back in your life.

It’s time to stop apologizing and take back some of your power.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have somehow ended up in a romantic mess at the restaurant where I work and I really need to keep this great part-time job after the summer. I never should have started dating someone from work, but it was kind of a thrill. And then, I dated a second employee.

Now both relationships are over and we are all still working together — and I am feeling pretty awkward. Help please.

— Balancing Act, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Balancing Act: These little workplace romances have been just a summertime adventure for you, but you want to keep your job, so you must get over yourself. Be extra respectful and stay friendly with both co-workers.

They may be moving on to heavy workloads at school or something else this fall, but they too may want to keep on working there. Let’s hope you were just a summer diversion to them as well, and they are fine staying friendly co-workers with you.

It’s all about co-operation and helping one another when you’re working for tips.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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