Forget conflicting breakup notes and have final talk

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received an angry, old-fashioned breakup letter from my boyfriend today with “What I should have sent you” printed on the envelope. It was a nasty followup to a kinder text message he sent me the day before with some of his regrets about the two of us and about himself.

This one listed all my faults — social, political, personal and sexual. I guess he had taken time to really dig around in his strange little mind. He’s definitely not short on cutting remarks.

I don’t know which of the two makes me madder. Should I respond to either?

— Shaking My Head, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Shaking My Head: Call your ex on the phone where he can’t hide behind a pen or a screen. Encourage him to say his piece again, in brief. Then you say yours, accepting the fact some nasty breakups just can’t be softened.

Regardless, having a final talk can spare you from have a lot of questions floating around in your mind.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new wife has been getting tattoos of women’s figures on her body — and they turn me on. The trouble is, I’ve met the new female tattoo artist when I’ve gone to pick up my wife.

I’m jealous of her. I recognize a lustful eye when I see one and that artist was subtly taunting me when talking about my wife’s new body art.

I told my mate last night I don’t want her to go back there anymore because the artist clearly has a sexual thing for her.

My wife just shrugged and said she’ll do what she wants. I know her and she won’t be pushed around.

She trekked off for yet another tattoo appointment today and told me to settle down because I was being jealous for nothing.

I’m not sure I buy that. Am I justified in being worried?

— Love the Tattoos, Hate the Artist, St. Boniface

Dear Hate the Artist: When two people care deeply about each other’s feelings, they don’t generally continue doing what’s obviously hurting their partner. However, your wife will undoubtedly want to stick with the same artist to finish up this latest piece.

Just grit your teeth for now. Your lady won’t care as much if she has to find a new artist for the next tattoo — and there will always be another and another if she loves tattoo art.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so scared by the wildfires, I’m another chicken who wants to sell our cabin. My husband says we need to hang on, and we would lose money selling it now, anyway. He figures things will get better next summer. He’s always the optimist. I always see the negatives.

I used to just love our cabin and having all that company in the summer hanging out, but I just don’t want it anymore. I see the fires in my dreams every night as a threat and a danger.

My husband says I need to see a shrink. What do you think?

— Freaked Out By Fire Threat, central Manitoba

Dear Freaked Out: It’s not unreasonable to be scared of a real threat, but you might want to start seeing a psychologist or counsellor now and continue until the wildfire dangers actually pass.

This might be best viewed as a wait-and-see period. Consider postponing cottage-selling decisions until things calm down and cabins aren’t selling for a song.

If you’re really freaked out, don’t go to the lake for more than day trips until you have reason to feel safer. Your constant feelings of danger may pass, given a long enough period of time.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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