Once trust is lost, relationship will follow suit

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I totally trusted my new girlfriend — quite the brainiac and computer expert — when she offered to help me with some important financial matters online.

I stupidly gave her all my passwords. Yes, to my money and everything. I really thought we were heading for the big time, namely marriage.

But then I caught her gossiping on the phone at my house while she thought I was still out. She was talking to a banker friend of hers. She has a voice that carries, and I was coming in the house and I heard every word. It was all about my “private” financial situation.

I was seriously upset and turned off, so I quickly changed all my key passwords. I haven’t said anything to her yet, and she hasn’t mentioned anything.

I’m deeply upset and want to break up and totally get my privacy back, as my girlfriend knows way too much that was not her business.

How do I safely proceed? My mind and emotions are jumbled. How about the timing for a breakup? That’s where I’m definitely headed now, and I’m in a hurry!

— Embarrassed and Betrayed, Winnipeg

Dear Betrayed: People naturally feel vulnerable when their private info is being shared and gossiped about, and one’s financial information is especially private. Is this particular situation dangerous to you? Maybe or maybe not. Some people are just snoops and don’t intend to do anything bad with the intimate information they’ve acquired.

However, you don’t know what her intentions were — and she certainly didn’t ask your permission — so major trust has already been lost.

Once you double-check you have everything locked-down and private again, don’t open fire, although it might be tempting. Quietly and politely break up with this woman, telling her you have had a change of heart. She’ll want to know why. You don’t owe her anything, other than the basic details of what you caught her doing, and the fact you lost the kind of trust you need to have in a serious relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: “Pick me up at 2 a.m. when I’m finished work and dying for a snooze” is not what guys are looking for in a girlfriend, but it’s my working lifestyle right now.

My question is, what do I do for a love life when I work nights at the hospital? What guy wants a woman who isn’t there to join him on summer weekends at least?

I don’t get much of a summer holiday, so I hang out with the women I work with. I don’t drink much, but I can tell some wild and crazy jokes. Help please.

— Lonely Nurse, West End

Dear Lonely Nurse: It only takes a couple fun friends to perk things up so this summer doesn’t feel like a total waste to you.

On the dating front, give up on finding the love of your life this summer and extend yourself more to friends you’ve been ignoring who also may not be renting a cabin this year.

Afternoon trips to beaches close to the city for picnics by the water might be your speed. And remember — buddies from work understand and don’t care if you nod off in the shade of a tree on an afternoon out.

Getting active can also help alleviate work stress. A round of golf or a tennis match can get your blood flowing.

If it’s too hot out, take in a movie in air-conditioned comfort and hit a comedy club or live music show for some evening entertainment.

All of these activities don’t take more than a day off, and your job will hopefully allow you at least that much freedom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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