Well-planned soirée may atone for party faux pas

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This article was published 16/07/2025 (425 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a recently divorced guy in my early 40s who just moved back to my old neighbourhood where a lot of people from my younger days still live. The guy next door graciously invited me to his family pool party the day I moved in.

I was so happy to go after two hard days of moving. I brought several bottles of white wine with me in an open bucket of ice and actually got a cheer from the female cousins for that move.

It started out really well, but I got pretty hammered and later took one of the cousins home next door with me for a nude swim in my pool. We also had a sleepover with no sleep. It was apparently not a classy move, and yes, she told the host — her cousin — who had invited me.

It was only a one-night stand for me, so I didn’t call the woman afterwards. I haven’t heard from her since, but I’ve heard that my neighbour is not impressed with my behaviour. I feel bad now.

How can I fix this with him and get what I had hoped for — some new friends and a better social life? If I had my own get-together, do you think this guy and his friends and family would even come?

— Blown It, Tuxedo

Dear Blown It: If you haven’t done it already, consider apologizing to your neighbour for getting drunk at his party and acting inappropriately with his cousin.

You haven’t been single for very long and clearly need some practice at being social.

So, have a few barbecues with your own extended family.

Then build up your courage and deliver party invitations to your friends and a few new neighbours you’ve met. Include games, prizes, salads and ice cream on your invitation.

For people who don’t want to swim, a game such as corn hole that can be played on the deck is a great one for groups.

However, don’t drink at your own pool party. Remember that you’re there to serve, amuse your guests and keep an eye on people in your pool. Also, make sure to have somebody in the party crowd who has life-saving credentials.

Play up the festive mood with some fun decorations and serve non-alcoholic drinks with lots of ice and fancy fixings to the crowd. Advertise BYOB (bring your own booze) on your invitation, if you wish.

If all goes well, and you prove yourself to be a thoughtful host, people might invite you to their homes and parties and introduce you to their friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first husband is back in the province and making himself known in certain circles with people who also know me.

Recently his sister died, and she was a beautiful person — always so good to me.

My problem is I want to express my condolences to my ex-husband, but I don’t want him to start calling me and trying to get back together. He has a problem borrowing money from people and then not paying them back because he’s always broke.

Also, he feels no guilt about not repaying people. He says, “Oh, they can afford it. They don’t need to get lawyers and come after me.” Please advise.

— Stressed Ex-Wife, West End

Dear Stressed Ex: Why is your need to extend condolences so pressing? What does this man have that you want back from him? Why does he fascinate you? Could it be that he’s an expert charmer and you miss his praise?

Be aware that in his mind his manipulative brand of charm literally comes at a price.

You “buy” his flattering words when you lend him the cash he needs, and he doesn’t repay you. That doesn’t make it right, but it seems to be how he sees it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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