It’s game, set, match for sneaky cheating hubby

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I suspected my husband had been lying about where he goes after his tennis matches, and now I’ve found out for sure. I called my best friend — also a tennis player — and asked her what she could find out.

She said she already had a hunch! She called back hours later and asked me to come over to her place. I felt sick all the way over. When she told me what she knew, I actually threw up!

Apparently, my man has had a particular woman on the side for months, and God knows who else! I cried and cried, and then I got really mad and called a lawyer I know, who met with me the next day.

My husband was shocked that I was so prepared when I confronted him. Then I asked him if he loved this woman and he said, “Oh for God’s sake, you’re making too big a deal over this! It meant nothing to me — just a way to let off some steam. I’m sorry I did it. She just offered me a swim in her new pool.”

I remember when I started dating the man I married, that he had a reputation for being a wild guy, but he had changed for me. In fact, he was so crazy about me it was mostly his idea we get married. Yes, I knew he’d been a guy who’d “gotten around.” But I felt proud I’d managed to tame him and marry him in my church.

Now he swears he’ll go to counselling and “do whatever to keep the marriage alive.” He seems devastated by the thought I’d leave him. But, my question is, can a guy like this really change his ways?

— Tempted to Forgive, North Kildonan

Dear Tempted to Forgive: Your husband has already proved to you he cannot or will not change. It’s just not in his playbook for being in a relationship. He made the same vows you did, but he wasn’t serious on that score. Unfortunately for him, you were!

Unless you’ve decided you’re OK with an open marriage, he’s not your guy.

He’ll just be more careful next time, since you made such a fuss about it.

He just doesn’t have the same beliefs you do about being true, in every sense.

He might love you enough to tell you he understands he hurt your feelings, and won’t cheat again, but it’s not something he feels inside that is really necessary — and there’s a lot of temptation out there in the world.

However, you can bet he’ll be more careful next time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went swimming at the lake with my new buddies from a sports team we all play for.

I felt kind of uneasy because they just stripped off their clothes and jumped in just after we got to our team captain’s cabin.

It was so hot out that day, I was first in the water, and I’d worn my bathing suit. The other guys did not!

When I turned around, I saw what most people looked like “head-to-toe” on the pier, as they jumped in.

I soon realized I didn’t stack up very well. I may not be doing that again, if I’m pressured to get naked. I just don’t want to lose my new friends over being a chicken.

Should I just get over it, and strip off next time?

— Shy Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Shy Guy: Here’s a possibility, if you really want to do it. Wear your towel down the pier around your waist. Then strip off and jump at the last minute. It may be your shyness will wear off quickly, after that.

If it doesn’t, and you get some ribbing, jokingly say, “Oh, I just wouldn’t want to reveal myself and embarrass you guys!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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