Differing takes on exes likely a deal-breaker

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This article was published 13/02/2025 (540 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend sends pop-up Valentine’s Day cards to all his old girlfriends as a cute joke. He thanks them for the good times and wishes them all the best. He says he never signs them with the word “love,” as it means too much to people. Yeah, right.

To get me off his back, he even encouraged me to do the same. I thought it was kind of stupid, as the guys I broke up with sure didn’t stay buddy-buddy with me. In fact, some were cold and even nasty after I dumped them.

To me, a breakup was for good and then you moved on. Why would you stay friends with someone you once loved when it hurt so badly in the end?

My new man tried to make his little game sound like a cool way to behave. So, I decided to fix him. I sent out a half-dozen kids-style valentines to my old exes. Two of them contacted me to see if I’d consider a fun night, for old times’ sake. No way. They’re just thinking I want sex with them.

The thing is, when I’m through with a guy, I’m really through. This experiment just made me feel stupid. Speaking of stupid, now I wonder what I’m doing with this new guy, even playing one of his juvenile games. What do you think?

— No Longer Amused, St James

Dear No Longer: Maybe this new boyfriend is the kind of sweet guy he says he is — one who can manage breakups and also remain friends. But he’s not for you. It seems you go deeper, and once a relationship blows up, it hurts so much it’s over for good.

Take this difference between you two for the lesson it is. You would hate marrying a guy who had a fan club of old girlfriends and he would accuse you of being cold — like you might kick a guy to the curb and just forget him. You two are definitely not a match.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got a sexy valentine and nude photo in my mailbox. I should have shredded it all immediately, but couldn’t. It was from a married woman I used to work with and had a mini-affair with. And now she’s single.

I started cleaning up the living room because my new girlfriend was coming over with dinner. She arrived early and decided to take the food straight into the kitchen. Unfortunately, the valentine and photo were still on the table.

My lady turned white seeing the picture and held it up to me. I said, “Not guilty. She just put it in my mailbox. Never saw her do it, never touched her.”

She just snorted, grabbed her jacket and left. I really care about her. Now how do I make it up to her?

— Sexy Valentine Meaningless, Silver Heights

Dear Meaningless: People usually protect what’s most important to them. You gambled on your new girlfriend’s heart by not ripping up that nude photo of your old lover immediately, or at least hiding it. Now you’ve hurt your new mate deeply.

Think on this for a while. Perhaps this is a message from your subconscious that you’re not really over that old lover and you needed to get free to explore those feelings now that she’s free.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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