After rock shock, it really is time to take stock

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This article was published 18/02/2025 (547 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Recently, I got down on bended knee and gave my girlfriend an engagement ring as a total surprise.

It was a beautiful diamond in a style I’ve seen her admire on other women’s fingers, so I knew she would love it.

She wore it for a week steady, but oddly, she didn’t show it around much — not even to her family and friends. Then she shocked me by saying that she wasn’t sure about getting married. She said it didn’t work the last time she tried it. She apologized and gave me the ring back.

What? I’m not a man who cries, but I was shocked and broke down bawling. Through my tears I told her that I thought she loved me and asked her if that was true.

Get this, she said, “Well, I just get carried away when we make love sometimes. I do care about you very much.”

Care about me? What utter crap. What do you think of her cheap definition of love?

— Disappointed and Done, River Heights

Dear Disappointed: She accepted the engagement ring — something she wasn’t totally sure about — as she was probably stunned and didn’t know what else to do.

As for her take on love, it’s possible to say a lot of things during the throes of passion that really shouldn’t taken as the final word on anything.

Being carried away during sex can bring a rush of feeling and bodily delight like fireworks throughout your body. That’s what you did for her, so at least you know you’re a talented lover.

It’s important to remember that loving someone passionately during great sex and being truly in love with a person — for whom you would go to the ends of the earth — is something else. This woman did not feel that for you.

While this rejection hurts badly and feels embarrassing, at least you won’t be stuck with a woman who didn’t truly love you.

The next time you’re getting emotionally and physically close with a woman, look for all the things you would want in an intimate partner in all aspects, not solely the fiery physical attraction and sexual compatibility.

Don’t give up on love and marriage just yet. You and a wonderful new partner will one day have the whole package — felt on both sides.

So before proffering any more diamonds, you need to take your time in relationships and talk about what kind of love you’re feeling, and decide together if you are a forever love match.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband wants to buy some land and build the cabin of his dreams this spring. He’s always wanted to do this, and I thought I loved the idea.

However, there’s a big problem, and it has nothing to do with money. In my dreams, I would want to build near people, while he wants his cottage more in the bush with perfect front-and-back clearings cut to get the morning and evening sun.

Last night we got into a serious discussion about it that ended up with me in tears. I really want to have neighbours all around for parties and company, and I picture us going out in our boat and visiting cabins all around a bay. A front window facing the water would be grand, but it could face in any direction.

My husband interrupted and said: “My dream cabin will be built facing south, in a quiet location. Who needs noisy neighbours partying all night?” We went to bed seriously upset.

Now I just want to rent a place for the summer like we always do, and forget his stupid “dream cabin.” He’s barely talking to me. What do you think?

— Cabin Clash, eastern Manitoba

Dear Cabin Clash: It’s a big mistake to deny the biggest dream of someone you love, especially if they have the money to realize it.

Lifelong dreams are not stupid, so give in cheerfully, but be sure to insist the amazing dream cabin is built with extra bedrooms and a little guest bunkhouse out back so you can sometimes have your friends and relatives out to have some fun. That way, you can both live your cottage dreams — even if they are sometimes on separate weekends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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